the cheese stands alone

Avast, Me Hearties! To Your Chum Buckets!

As everyone knows, today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

I haven't had much practice talking like a pirate. When I was little, we mainly played "The Monkees", which basically meant arguing over who was going to be Michael.... I mean, nobody wanted to wear that dorky stocking cap all day.

I would make a lousy pirate, because I hate parrots. Hate them. Nasty, squawking, feathery beasts of hell. When I lived in Ocean Beach, there was a flock of wild ones lived thereabouts that used to congregate outside my bedroom window and hold group meetings. Most of the meetings were at 6 in the bloody AM.
I hate parrots.

Monkeys, on the other hand.... okay, which one of you doesn't know I prefer monkeys to any other creature? You? You there in the back, with your hand up and an ashamed look.... walk this plank.
Yes, I liked "Pirates of the Caribbean" in part because it had a monkey as the captain's pet instead of the traditional feathered bag of filth parrot. I also greatly admired Jack Sparrow's flair for colorful speech and eyeliner.
Personal dental hygiene, that lost them all some points. In all those pieces of eight, could no one find a nice toothbrush?

So, let's see. No parrots, good teeth, clear diction, and the tendency to puke every time I set foot on a boat- hmm, pretty much rules out piracy as a career choice.
But I've got that eyeliner thing down.

Now get out there and drive everyone mad saying "Arrr!" all day.
I started last week... my mom won't even answer the phone any more.

Posted by LeeAnn at September 19, 2003 12:41 AM