the cheese stands alone

Everything Old Is New Again

Sure, you can play the same old Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Or you can play Rock, Paper, Scissors, Spock, Lizard.

Much Talky, Talky

Vocab quiz.
Got 164 out of 200.
Pre-coffee.
I'm a great guesser.
(syllabussed at Blown Fuse, who got it from Snoozebutton Dreams)

Dexterity R Not Us

A new game.
Type your name using your....

nose: lann
elbow: ;lpreresajmnnmj
chin: ,leddeaznn
feet: leedann
eyes closed and one finger: lrrann
back of my hand: leenn
palm: lkeeanbnb
mouse: lpreerdnjn
wrist: l.ererasnmbnmb
boob: . RESa k
(tenderly fingertipped from The City Could Not Stop>

Play With Me So I Don't Have To Play With Myself

You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
(taken because it's MINE MINE MINE from Froggie's Lilypad)

Well, D'uh

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Cartoon Cartoon

Yet another avatar creator, found at Mamageek's and at My Monkey Mind.
To be honest, I looked more like the Mini-Mizer one than this.

I Have A Lightning Bolt Scar Too, But It's Elsewhere

be sorted @ nimbo.net

Tattletale

Yet a new memey thing rears its head, and this time I saw the rear at Oh No The Blog!.
And promptly snatched it up to be my very own.

Answer the following questions in the comment box:
1. Who are you?
2. Have we ever met?
3. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
4. Describe me in one word.
5. What reminds you of me?
6. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
7. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
8. Are you going to put this on your weblog and see what I say about you?
9. What do you love like a fat kid loves cake?
10. What makes you come back here?

And feel free to snake it away for your very own so we can play in your sandbox too.

However Did They Find Out?

you are LORD FARQUAAD! you are conceited and
inconsiderate. perhaps because you're actually
insecure about yourself....?

what shrek character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
(a big green guy brought this to me from Genuine)

Put Da Lime In Da Coconut And Call Me In Da Morning

10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO:

1. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

2. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

3. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

4. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

5. Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."

6. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

7. Patient responsible for "200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

8. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

9. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "m"s on them.

10. You ask for Viagra and get a popsicle stick and duct tape.

(From Tonya, who sent me the coolest card ever.)

Please Send Lube

Which Extremity of the World Are You?
From the towering colossi at Rum and Monkey.

If Only

Which Office Moron Are You?
Rum and Monkey: jamming your photocopier one tray at a time.

Fiddle-fartin' Around, As My Papaw Used To Say

Everyone in the blogworld
has by now
diddled about
with pullquotes
and as usual
I'm a day late
and several IQ points short.
But still, doesn't it look so very... I dunno, peppy? If only this were actual content and not just stuff I'm typing so as to see what this looks like. Perhaps an amusing anecdote could be inserted here, or a pithy quote, or a witty saying.
Perhaps naked pictures of Bea Arthur.
Hmm, perhaps not.

Fashionista

This Worries Me

I admit it, okay, it wasn't sinuses at all. I was having some "quality" time in the "special" jacket.

Take the quiz: "Your Psych-Ward diagnosis"

Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosis: General Anxiety Disorder. Excessive anxiety or worry occurring more days than not over a significant period of time. These worries can be associated with a number of events or activities. In addition, the individual finds it difficult to control the worry. Can be marked by physical signs of tension, hyperactivity, and lack of ability to respond in a positive or productive manner to problems or difficulties as they arise.
(the voices in my head told me to find this at Emma's super place.)

Blogmaze Time

A day late and a dollar short, but nevertheless and heretofore I give you this week's Blogmaze, version Cheese.0:

First, to " "N" Is For Neville, Who Died of Ennui", which attracted me at first because I am a sucker for all things Gorey. Then I discovered that while the authoress might not have as sucky a job as I do, she's most certainly more bored and not hesitant about detailing it.
I like that. I like it a lot.

From there I went to Upside-down Hippopotamus. Seduced by the name, because of my infinite adoration for hippos, I fell in love with this report of bug killing, a theme of which I approve 110%.
"Yesterday I went into my living room and found a hundred thousand million billion ants crawling by the back door. “How did they get in?” you may be wondering. “Why did they come in? What were they doing?”
Who do I look like, the Ant Whisperer? How the hell should I know? I was far more concerned about how I was going to get them out."

I went onward to visit Tuna Girl, who gets the Cheese's approval because she too is a military spouse and gord knows I love my own kind. (Those of you whispering in the back about how no one quite knows what my own kind exactly is can just stay after class and see Sister Mary Torturous for a special detention. You little brats.)

By now I was tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk and felt the need to go find the proper refreshment to take my mind off my screaming sinus cavities, which will be seen to by a professional medical type tomorrow.
Proper refreshment, by the by, means beer.
For those of you taking notes for stuff to tattle on me to Sister M.T. later.
You know who you are.

Now With Amazing Archival Action!

The ever-so-talented Scott Matthews, about whom I've raved before, has improved his site to include nifty archives so as to increase your Clip Clop Comix viewing pleasure.
Go see, go see.

My Dad Sends Me Jokes

This one appeals to me.

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating, she's attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she's more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a baseball bat jammed up his ass while he's on fire.

I'm A Little Teapot

A challenge for you music lovers.... for each letter of the alphabet, list a band you truly like.
Since I have serious decision disorder, I cheated and put two or more if needed.

Aerosmith
Bloodhound Gang and Blondie
Cheap Trick and Crystal Method and Cooper, Alice
Duran Duran (thanks for reminding me, Tonya!)
Elastica
Fatboy Slim and Flash & The Pan
Garbage and Guns & Roses
Hell if I know
Incubus
Jack Logan & the Liquor Cabinet, and J.Geils Band
KMFDM
Linkin Park
Mott the Hoople and Meatloaf
Nilsson and Nine Inch Nails
Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
Police and Palmer, Robert
Queen
Redneck Greece Delux and Rundgren, Todd
Squeeze and Soubel, Jill
T. Rex and Talking Heads
No U2 (bleh)
Van Halen
White Stripes
X
Yankovic, Weird Al
Zevon, the only one
(hummed away from Eric, my favorite source for all things Zevonish)

A Carnival of the Memes

What's that, bunky? You're tired of having to chase all over the web to find the latest meme, the newest carnival, the hottest stuff that's got everyone....er... hot, I guess.
Well, whine no more, my delicate and distressed friend! Now from the fine folks who gave you Munu, there's new Memeblog! Guaranteed to have to latest and greatest of all you could ever wish to find to keep the bloggy homefires burning when the inspiration woodpile is running low.
Go there, now, quick quick like a bunny, and see how you, yes YOU, can be a vital participant and beneficiary of the best thing to hit the blogosphere's collective consciousness since Friday Five and What Potato Are You combined!
It's not just a blog.... it's Memeblog.

Couch

Q: How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two... one to hold the lightbulb and one to hold my penis.... no, my mother!.... my father!.... NO! the ladder!

Thar's A New Meme In Town, Pilgrim

In the void left by the departed Friday Five rides a new champion on a bloggy horse, to give new hope, new meaning, to the heartfelt "TGIF!" that springs eternal on all lips.
That champion, my friends, is Blogmaze.
And as I am never one to eschew bandwagon-jumpage (or rampant metaphor-mixation), here is my very first Blogmaze.
(Yes, I know it's Sunday, not Friday.... shhhh, you're ruining the moment.)

Sweet Surprise
What's not to like? A nice aquarium pic at the top, a cute recent college graduate, and conversations like I have sometimes.

Saint Kellen
This is one of the prettiest templates I've seen, but then I used to want a stained glass window tattoo'd on my entire back, so there's some context for you. The fascinating thing for me is how normal and nice SK's life sounds, if life resembles art blog. (The GM1 just shoulder-peeked and said in my case, life resembles fart. Excuse me while I go pollute his airspace.)

cowdog
I have to stop going to blogs that are prettier than mine, I'm getting a complex. *sniffle*. In other news, Louise is a teacher in Halifax, which is one of my "can't use a real cuss word because Mom will shit" alternates.... as in "oh Halifax, the coffee has mouse piddle in it!".

Blogmaze says to keep going as long as you want.... three, five... seven hundred and twelve blogmazy linkedness if you have some kind of neat setup where you never have to leave the computer to eat or poo.... but it's Sunday morning and I have to go to work pretty soon and, let's face it, the Cheesemistress is a lazy sot. "The number is three, and three shall be the number."

Tingle

You Are a Peppermint Cappuccino You're fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new. However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like. You are a total girly girly at heart - and prefer your coffee with good conversation. You're the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please What Kind Of Coffee Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Department of the Obvious

You are an quiz-taker Find out what kind of quiz-taker you are

My Dad Sends Me Jokes

A car hit a 10 year old boy and drove off.
The boy was lying injured in the road.
A passerby ran up and asked the boy, "do you want me to find a priest?"
The boy replied, "How can you think of sex at a time like this?"

I Want A Lovely Bumblebee Tracksuit Too

"Kill Bill", the game.
I think I did pretty well, although I don't really know... it appears to be in Hungarian or something.
Fun knows no language barriers.
(sliced and diced by zenwanderer)

The Lure of Art

Xade, that little genius, has found another game to keep my mind off fairy floss stress..... Floats.

Never Get Involved In a Land War In Asia

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Recommended Reading

I was going to add on some illustrations from the book but there is a rather threatening injunction on the author's website telling me all the foul things that will happen if I do such a thing, so all I can do is tell you to have a friend buy it and copy it for you at work.
Yeah, like you were really doing something else more important?
I didn't think so.

Fable

Sex slaves, monkeys, and death moths.... how could anyone resist Temptation like this?
(gimped away from everlasting blort)

Actually, I Think Feminists Would Be Cute If They'd Just Shave Their Pits

I'm SCUM! Not militant at all.

I'm Going To Be Late For Work

And it's all Jeff's fault.
PS.... Thanks to wide-awake visitor Ben, I must amend this to give credit for finding this for me first to Zenwanderer. Sorry, Jeff, you were scooped.
Cheese for the both of yez, then!

Slip My Meals Under the Door

Thanks to Xade, I'll be playing this for the next... oh, I don't know, the next gazillion years or so.

Wait For It

My current favorite joke:

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?"

No, I Don't Have Change For A Five

You're Exotic Dancer Barbie. You have some moves,
and will do anything for a few bucks. Take it
off girl, but keep it PG-13 please.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla

At Least I'm Not CarrotTop

Which Annoying B-list Celebrity Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Quite Obviously, I Lied On All the Questions

I am sweet, like Sugar. I am all sweetness and light; fluffy bunnies and dancing fairies; happiness and joy. Too much of me will make you sick. What Flavour Are You?

Havin' Some Fun Now

I've been at this for an hour.
It's extra-special fun if you pretend it's someone you'd like to see pinned down all splayed out and at your dissectiony mercy. However, sadly the program doesn't allow for any improvisational slashing snipping.
In a side note, I never realized a frog's liver is so big. They must drink a lot.
Yep, my world is full of drunken frogs and maddened virtual knife-play.

SPF 5000

Even more satisfying than the Yeti vs. Penguin game.
Ant City.
(sighted at Quibbles and Bits, a nifty little bright spot indeed.)