tcsa

Carrot

The GM1, it might interest you to know, is a paradoxical male. He puts the toilet seat down and he loves to shop, but he is rabidly fascinated with guns, the Military Channel, and nice female booty.
He is also a Procrastinator.
He is of the unspoken opinion that if you wait until the last minute to do a thing, that thing is rendered powerless by some Jedi Mind Trick.

GM1: "You don't need to have me take out the garbage." *vague hand gestures*
Me: "I don't need to have you take out the garbage." *zombie monotone*
GM1: "It can wait until after 'Sherman Tanks: Hot Friend or Sexy Foe?' is over." *more vague hand gestures*
Me: "It can wait until.... wait, what? Now it's tank porn? Geez, dude!"

So you can see packing, I mean the obviously necessary pre-packing and organizing before the movers get here to organize and pack, is being shoved aside like brussel sprouts into a four-year-old's napkin, unless that four-year-old has a dog who digs constant flatulence and lives to hoover up those sprouts under the table when Mom's not looking and I miss you, Fluffy, I really do. Sprouts suck.

I've found the key to getting the GM1 focused and On Task. I explained to him, during Tank Porn commercials, that if we pack up some of the stuff, it's less for the movers to spend TIME on, TIME that we're paying for up front until the relocation check is cut. Now, if at the end of this ordeal there is cash left over because we cleverly robbed some time from the movers, that cash can be applied not to a washer/dryer (sigh), not to a new sofa (moan), not even to a trip to Victoria's (weep, gnashing of teeth)... but towards a New Marital Enhancement Device Computer for the GM1.
Bigger. Better. Faster. More online tank porn.

It's sad and it's wrong, but bribery works. The GM1 has been a perfect packing partner, whipping newspaper around breakables and carefully writing "Fragile Crap- Do NOT Shake" on the outside of the cartons.... pulling old clothes out of storage and courageously admitting it's likely he'll never wear those 28 inch waist jeans again and putting them in the Goodwill bag.... stacking book after book after book into a box and not even screaming when the bottom of the box opens up above his foot and rains Toe Death From Above.
But c'mon.... TANK porn?
Geez, dude.

Posted by LeeAnn at May 4, 2005 06:10 AM