May 01, 2005

On the Road Again

Remember a while back I said I had possible News but didn't want to jinx it?
I can safely spill the cheese now... the GM1 got the Good Job he was up for, at a very decent pay rate and best of all....
WE ARE MOVING!!!!!
The job is in a town out in the desert, and he has to start almost immediately. So we went house hunting yesterday.

We left here bright and early to drive to Imperial County, which is about 160 miles east, through the mountains and into the desert. It's only a little way west of Yuma, Arizona, which will become my shopping mecca once we move. This town is tiny. I mean, it has only one mall, and that only opened in March. Check this little factoid: the mall has NO bookstore. GM1 and I might lose our minds. But there is a movie theater... it opened yesterday.

We had three appointments to look at houses. So we got there way early and wandered the new mall a little and I tried unsuccessfully to eat. I had big knots in my stomach, and not just from nerves. I still have that viral infection going on and the medicine makes me woobly. Plus my lip looks like a Rottweiler's been chewing on it. Way super icky. A lovely way to impress future landlords, doncha know?

First appointment was in a housing development so new we had to drive on a yet-unpaved street to get there. Once we got to the part where the house was, it was nice... a quiet street (NO screaming kids or barking dogs and this was a Saturday afternoon) and very clean. The house had just been built and had three bedrooms and no grass in the back yard yet... the guy was still laying the sod there. Did I mention clean? Man, this place was virginal. Super duper clean. Two car garage. Two bathrooms. Patio. Room in the kitchen for a table. NEW appliances!
I was so wet.
So we do the walkthrough and talk to the owner and fill out an application and he says he'll let us know in a couple of days.
At this point, I like the house but it bothers me that there are no trees and that there is construction still going on during the weekdays nearby, like two streets over. But in general, I like it.

We go to our second appointment, which is in an older neighborhood and more settled. It turns out the third house on the appointment list is right next door and I cross it right off the list because it has dingy yellow dented siding and a row of raw cinderblocks lining the bare flowerbed, and the lawn is dead.
Goodbye, third appointment.
The second place is okay from the outside. It's a low roofed house with a big back yard. It has a gorgeous cut-glass kind of front door.
And then we went in.
Monkey butt ugly. Pukealicious ugly. Beyond ugly. Fugly to the fugliest max.
Did I mention it was ugly?
First off, it had three bedrooms, a den, and a living room and every single room had a different color carpeting, filthy carpeting, and all the colors were unbearable. The LIVING ROOM was PINK, forgodsakes! PINK! The den had that supercheap paneling, and a wall A/C unit stuck crookedly in the wall. The master bedroom had electric blue carpet, built-in dressers covered in Jesus stickers, and a do-it-yourself'd mirror'd closet door that wouldn't shut. The other bedrooms had closet doors made of plastic, accordian style. The main bathroom had a hole in the ceiling. The tub was caked in some sort of white nastiness. ALL of the walls were exceedingly dirty, with suspicious stains on one wall, in a spray pattern.
I think I watch too much "CSI".
The kitchen was that horrible autumn gold, and the guy told us the appliances were the very same ones put in when the house was built in 1963. The oven door was nearly rusted shut. When we opened the refrigerator door, a piece fell off the inside. Usually not a good sign. Martha Stewart wouldn't put up with that shit, I betcha.
Let's talk about the kitchen floor. It was decorated in Early Dead Bug. There were SEVEN dead giant cockroaches.
Of course I tried to be cool about it.
Not really. I screamed like a scalded cat and ran for the living room. Then I thought about what might be hiding in the dirty pink carpet and ran back to where I could at least see the enemy coming.
The back yard was a dirt patch with a lopsided homemade wooden shed and a hole in the ground where a koi pond had been attempted and partially ripped out. I know it was a koi pond because in the bottom lay a koi carcass. A unique lawn decoration, if I might say.
Or say once I stopped gagging.
The GM1 brought up the issue of possibly renovating the inside "a little bit", to test the waters. The landlord said we could do whatever we wanted, long as we paid for it. Well, gee, thanks.
Then we asked if, given the evidence, there was a significant bug problem. The landlord said (near to actual quote as I can remember) "You're always gonna have bugs in these older homes. The only reason you see these is acos there ain't no furniture. Once you get your things in here, they got somewheres to hide and you won't never see 'em again. 'Course, they'll still be there, but you don't gotta see 'em no more."
If the GM1 hadn't had hold of my hand so tightly at that point, I would have run screaming to the car. But he's a diplomat. He's a negotiator. He's not afraid of bugs. And he knew (as did I but I was unwilling to admit it) that we might just be forced by time and circumstance to take this hovel.
The landlord tried to sweeten the cesspit pot by saying we could have all the pets we wanted and that he'd skip the credit check and all that and get us in there that very day. The GM1 politely told him (he was a nice guy, the landlord, just desperate to get someone into that rattrap) that we had several (HA!) other places to see but we'd call him before the day was through.
Handshakes all around.

We drove back to the mall, where I tried to wash every bit of skin exposed to the Bug House and cried in the restroom a little bit. The GM1, ever the optimist, tried to console me with ice cream. For the first time ever, caramel sundae failed to sooth.

Then somewhere Fate farted, and smiled, and flicked a lucky booger our way.
(Sidenote: In my mind, Fate is kind of like Barney on "The Simpsons"... an unreliable slob who probably means well when he's sober, which ain't often.)
The owner of the first place, which I call Casa de Virgin, called us. He'd talked to his wife, and they had decided to offer the house to us without the usual background checking. He said he was "going with his gut".
I love guts. Fucking love 'em.
Needless to say, I offered to have his children right then and there. Then the GM1 snatched the phone away from me and told the guy we'd love to accept and we'd be back over there to give him first month's and deposit.
And we went, and we gave and we take possession next week.
Then we called Bug House Man and told him thanks but no thanks. Not surprisingly, he didn't seem surprised.

Back here we drove, and now our worries are convincing the apartment management to let us out of the lease and to finance the actual moving process somehow, as the GM1 has to start his new job in the new town in a couple of weeks. But all that is mere detail, because we have a house to move to. Not an apartment. Not a hovel.
A house. Sure, it's a rental.
But it's a rental with a two car garage, for about 1/3 less than we're paying here. And the entire time we were there, I didn't hear one car alarm, one barking dog, one thumping stereo, or one shrieking neighbor.

So if suddenly The Cheese is silent, it just means I'm in the midst of packing madness and don't have internet connection yet in Casa de Virgin.
Just think... a whole new town to blog about.
The mind wobbles.

Posted by LeeAnn at May 1, 2005 11:21 AM
Comments

Yay for the GM1 and his new job and for your new digs!
Although I did enjoy the stories about your crappy neighbors, I'm sure you'll have all new stories about your one-stop light town.

Posted by: Xinh at May 1, 2005 11:51 AM

Been to Yuma. Often the first four letter word that comes to mind.

Posted by: Azygos at May 1, 2005 12:11 PM

That's great news! Congratulations! Just think of Yuma this way: it's your town to paint. May it never be the same once you're settled.

:-)

Posted by: Jennifer at May 1, 2005 01:08 PM

I'm happy and sad for you. I hate moving. May all your breakables arrive unbroken. Just Damn!

Posted by: Dax Montana at May 1, 2005 01:11 PM

I love it when a plan comes together.

/Hannibal Smith voice.

Seriously... I'm so glad to hear a fresh start includes a fresh house.

Sounds like you've found a home, as opposed to just somewhere to live.

Good luck with the move. Much easier when you're so happy about where you're going.

Paul

Posted by: Light & Dark at May 1, 2005 01:39 PM

Your description of the 'bug house' was hysterical... it left me with that same nauseous feeling you had. I'm really happy for you about the new house... congrats on the impending move and the GM1's new job!!

Posted by: Cindy at May 1, 2005 01:52 PM

Congratulations on it all.

I am reminded of when we were looking for our first house - 11 years ago. We pulled up in front of a well maintained little house with a level fenced yard that was painted a not so great shade of green. But not something we couldn't live with.

Then we went in.

Every painted surface in the house was the same not so great shade of green. I mean the kitchen, the bathrooms the living room the bedrooms everything was green. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I don't have claustrophobia but this place was closing in on me fast!

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at May 1, 2005 02:31 PM

Thank you, all of you.
And Stephen... you might have been in an ex-leprechaun's house. Was the toilet painted gold?

Posted by: LeeAnn at May 1, 2005 03:54 PM

I'm so glad you got the nice house. Best of luck on moving. It was a real challenge getting the words out to read this to my son, we were both laughing so hard.

Thanks.

Posted by: edith at May 1, 2005 06:04 PM

Congratulations on the GM1's new job and on the lovely house. Most of my family is from Phoenix and I really enjoyed desert life.

And as for the lack of bookstores -- that's what Amazon and their free shipping deals are for.

Posted by: Jordana at May 1, 2005 07:26 PM

Congratulations on the new job for the GM1!!! That's fabulous. And double congrats on the new digs. I'm so glad that the guy went with his gut on this. *grin*. But now I have to wonder - whatever will you have to blog about???

Posted by: Teresa at May 1, 2005 08:09 PM

Congratulations...we have tried to get to the desert, it is a wash every single time....I am jealous. Enjoy thr gorgeous sunsets, and the rock, beautiful. Always remember there is amazon, and you might find a non mall book store, which might be better....

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at May 1, 2005 09:00 PM

Wow. Bitchin'.
Congrats to GM1 and I'm sure you'll find plenty to blog about in your new domicile in nowheresville.

Posted by: Greg at May 1, 2005 11:43 PM

Yay!

Being a conspiracy theorist from way back, I'm guessing that the new landlord has ESP and knew that you were going to post about the number of thongs in your wardrobe. Never underestimate the power of underwear.

Also, check the top dresser drawer for mini-cameras. Just in case.

Posted by: Ted at May 2, 2005 03:33 AM

Congrats on the job, and on finding a house to live in.

I suggest that, before you move out of your present location, you tape record the ambient sounds of this next weekend. That way, you will have something to play REALLY LOUD on your stereo when you get out in the desert. In case you felt nostalgic or something.

Posted by: Ted K at May 2, 2005 08:01 AM

That's awesome! You might not have a problem with the lease, I know in my old apartment they said that if one of us got a job more than 50 (I think) miles away, the lease could be broken with no penalties.

Posted by: Marian at May 2, 2005 08:27 AM

What Marian said - check that lease because chances are it has the job movement clause in there. It's standard boilerplate.

Congratulations!

Posted by: Jim at May 2, 2005 12:06 PM

Damn, I was SO hoping Washington.

Congratulations, though (for realies) on the great job and the great house! I've no doubt you could make hilarious posts with the subject line of: Watching Paint Dry. So, there's no doubt in my mind that you will regale the 'net with Yuma tales really soon.

xoxo

Posted by: Margi at May 3, 2005 11:19 AM

I just read this to Tammi (Road Warrior / now Tammi's World) over the phone and she said to tell you she's doing the happy dance for you all the way through Georgia... she's begun the final drive up from Florida.

Posted by: Teresa at May 3, 2005 04:19 PM

Hey, that's cool! I'm glad you're getting a nice place. Hope the move is uncomplicated and uneventful.

Posted by: zonker at May 3, 2005 05:42 PM

Congratulations! Are you going to get some rats now?

Posted by: Victor at May 5, 2005 12:23 PM