the cheese stands alone

Currently Making the Rounds At Work

The Top 16 Rejected Commandments

16. Thou shalt not credit the Lord thy God for thy team's victory.

15. Thou shalt not park copies of these commandments in government buildings.

14. Thou shalt remember never to tell thy wife that her new tunic makes her ass seem large.

13. Thou shalt not use the Lord's name in Spain.

12. Honor thy poodles.

11. Don't be getting all up in my face about your petty wants all the damn time, you bunch of whiners.

10. Thou shalt not freely share of the MP3s.

9. 11. Goto 1;

8. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's big-ass flat-screen TV.

7. Mock not the names of my hurricanes, lest ye be mocked yourself.

6. Thou shalt not wear lycra if thy figure resembles the fruit of my apple tree.

5. Thou shalt pat thy belly. Thou shalt pat thy belly again. Okay, SIMON SAYS thou shalt pat thy belly. Hands on thy head. Christ, you Jews are sharp!

4. Molest not the innocent child, lest thy visage be blanched and thy nose crumble to dust.

3. Thou needest not see any movie by Mel Gibson to prove you are devout.

2. Thou shalt not vote for false idols, like that Clay Aiken dweeb.

1. Thou shalt receive the first two stone tablets for only one shekl, then a new tablet will arrive each Sabbath. If thou wantest that tablet, do nothing...