the cheese stands alone

Unmaking Strange Bedfellows

I live in the kind of neighborhood where you hear couples screaming at each other all the time. Usually it's in a language I don't understand, so I miss the full drama of the situation and have to amuse myself doing commentary on their interesting fashion choices.
But just after dark, I heard the screeching on the sidewalk that means some woman has decided her man needs killin'. All that's left is the laundry list of why.
"YOU BASTARD!" she shrieked as she stormed to her car. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'D DO THAT TO ME!"
Fucking Bastard followed her, but kept his distance, saying nothing.
"I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL! YOU COCKSUCKER YOU!"
The Cocksucker formerly known as Fucking Bastard began softly banging his head on a tree trunk.
"I THOUGHT YOU'D GROW UP! I THOUGHT YOU'D BE A DECENT GUY! I WANTED TO HAVE BABIES WITH YOU! YOU PATHETIC ASSHOLE! HOW COULD YOU?"
Pathetic Asshole stopped banging his head and grabbed her car door as she started to slam it shut.
"Listen," he said, almost pleading, "It was just this once. I had to. I just had to. Can't you just let it go? It was only one time."
"FUCK YOU, YOU BASTARD!" she howled just before she burned rubber down the street.
"YOU VOTED FOR BUSH!"

He's better off without her.