the cheese stands alone

Just Stir It, the Lumps Will Dissolve

Because the beal still has me by the balls (beal balls, beal balls, I just like saying "beal balls") and because this sucks and because nature abhors a vacuum, I am going to be a bloggy tree-hugging granola-crunching freak environmentalist and recycle some old Cheese.
Don't say you weren't warned.

From May, 2003.....

Today's chores involved lots and lots of driving, back and forth, hither and yon, Getting Stuff Done. I saw a lot of weird things out there.

1. I saw a hugely obese woman in the back of a pickup truck, munching away on ribs and getting very messy with barbeque sauce. This was, I might add, at 65 mph. At six o'clock in the morning.
2. I watched two gentlemen have a vigorous argument in the car driving parallel to me, which culminated in the passenger snatching what appeared to be a toupee off the driver and flinging it out the window. The driver then grabbed his bald head as if to shield it, forcing me to swerve and spill some very nice Starbucks. Damn you, bald man of shame!
3. I witnessed a chihuahua in a Cadillac having a wonderful time romping as his owner drove on, unaware the pup had taken a huge dump in the back window.
4. I envied a man who was sitting beside his truck on the side of the road, obviously broken down and waiting for someone. He'd taken a chair, a potted palm, a side table, and a footstool out of the back of the truck and made himself right at home, reading his paper and sipping coffee while traffic whizzed by.
5. I saw the tiniest of sports cars (Alfa Romeo, perhaps? I'm bad with things like that) crammed with the largest couple I'd ever seen, both in height and girth. I wanted to stick around to see how they got into it in the first place (baby oil? giant shoehorn? reverse osmosis?) but I was already late to pick up the GM1.
And I'm sure a lot of people saw me, squirming around as I drove, as I tried in vain to de-wedgy myself. Some things just cannot wait.
(previously posted on Blogspot)