February 05, 2004

th3 ch33s3 st4nds 4alon3

And out of the vast reaches of pseudo-intellectual wastelands whined a voice. Lo, long whined the voice and thus did he piss and moan mightily about the fact that everyone did not behave exactly as he thought they must. And the voice whimpered "I must have a name, yea, a mighty name, one that will display not only my cutting-edge technological grasp of idealism, but will also represent my I.Q. and my penis size in centimeters!"
And thus the rock was lifted and Kuro5hit emerged.

You are all pretentious twats. Every last one of you. You're all latte-sipping, iMac-using, suburban-living tertiary-industry-working WASPs who offer absolutely no new insights on anything whatsoever .....

Let me start with this one.... I admit it, I sip lattes. I gulp espressos. I slam back a few Keith Richards and I guzzle frappaccinos. I am the Coffee Generation, and I love my dark brew.
But that's the only thing that I mix and match up with in the celebrated accusation. I have an ancient HP machine, I live in the City That Freakshows Shun Because They Don't Like Competition, and I work in a very primary way.
Oh, and I have a very humble twat.

You make up irritating jargon for the sake of it

I am sure we never meant to tread on the toes of such scholars as Willy Shakespeare, Danny Webster, and Monsieur Roget. If only time had stopped back when Real Men spoke Real Words, like "prithee" and "forsooth".
Sorry, shouldn I have said "5hake5peare"?
What bull5shit.

All of your blogs talk about the same crap
This explains why I get all that fan mail calling me "Frank". (Btw, Frank's got some nice knockers, doesn't he?)

Movable Type is badly designed
As is, of course, any piece of software not personally designed and vetted by the center of the technological bloggyverse, Senor Kuro5shit.

Movable Type's bad design makes it easier to DoS you
It's nice to finally have one person to blame for any and all DoS attacks, isn't it? I'm sure prosecuting and jailing him for all offenses in the past ten years should stop all computer-related crimes, shouldn't it? And isn't it at least worth a try?

You are fucking stupid
The sheer eloquence of this guy never stops, does it?

You are all sheep
And you're a goat man yourself, right? We've all seen the pictures, don't deny it.

Your blog is fucking up Google
Let me get this straight... we are meaningless, stupid sheep with nothing important to share with the blogworld, no technical abilities, and zero real-world effect. Goggle is a bigass online superstar with programming gurus up the payroll yinyang. And yet we fucked this monster of the internet up.
Go us!

I'd just like to say I sincerely apologize for having a common, run of the mill, non-techie blog with way too little numerically-invoked words.
Must be the sheep.
Too baaaaaa-ad.

with deepest thanks to the Commissar for the nudge.

Posted by LeeAnn at February 5, 2004 07:40 AM

I was thinking to myself LeeAnn reads Kuro5hin? I don't even bother to read Kuro5hin! Then I saw the link to the Commissar.

Nicely done, LeeAnn! You didn't leave much for anyone else, did you? Just a few blackened bones and some smouldering hair.

(Mind you, MT does have some design issues, which is why I'm working on Minx. But it works well enough to run MuNu and Instapundit and That Other Frank.)

Posted by: Pixy Misa at February 5, 2004 09:29 AM

Comrade Joyce disapproves your TrackBacked post.

He will curse you for fucking up Google that way..

Posted by: The Commissar at February 5, 2004 09:30 AM

I've been reading about this feces flingers for about a week now. Seems they like to launch DoS attacks on MT blogs just to prove their own points, Kate at Electric Venom is on their current shit list.

Posted by: zenwanderer at February 5, 2004 09:39 AM

Commissar, I tried to trackback ping you for the heads up but for some reason it keeps timing out. Rest assured, you have full credit. :)

Posted by: LeeAnn at February 5, 2004 09:57 AM


Thanks, I see that. But I don't understand it.

Frequently, when I ping/trackback to a MuNu blog, it times out, and then maybe shows up (at the pinged blog) or not.

Perhaps my host (Lunarpages) and the .MuNu domain reside in different realms of the internet. We need a ping-oriented chronosynclastic infundibulum.

Posted by: The Commissar at February 5, 2004 10:18 AM

Commissar- I'll get Ford Prefect working on that right away.

Posted by: LeeAnn at February 5, 2004 10:18 AM

14 yr old brat.

Posted by: pylorns at February 5, 2004 10:28 AM

I only look 14, it's really good moisturizer. :)

Posted by: LeeAnn at February 5, 2004 10:29 AM

ItZ ppl like Kayro5hyrup what give numberZ a bad name. tHiS bLoG rUleZ aNd sTufF! And what the hell is google? Can I catch it? ICUGTG2PP lateRz

Posted by: 5155YpAnTz at February 5, 2004 10:30 AM

What is that seal part sticking out of the fence?

Posted by: Bob at February 5, 2004 11:01 AM

So it can eat the fish part I'm waving at him.

Posted by: LeeAnn at February 5, 2004 11:18 AM

no, not his nose. lower - it sorta reminds me of that cat thang.

Posted by: Bob at February 5, 2004 12:25 PM

Ah... it's a shadow in the background.
Now, this issue of seeing animal genitalia in everything...

Posted by: LeeAnn at February 5, 2004 12:29 PM

*nod* I see. Still, that's a well endowed shadow.

Posted by: Bob at February 5, 2004 01:11 PM

I can dig it. **sticks thumbs in ears, wiggles finger and sticks out tongue at Kuro5hin**


Posted by: Lee at February 5, 2004 01:13 PM

An angry little man, that Kuru%*&)+@0in

Posted by: Fi at February 5, 2004 01:15 PM

I'm still giggling that he wrote an ENTIRE post about bloggers... As he lists this on the list of 5 of the worst most boring most awful things the rest of us blog about... SNORK- oops sorry, I am trying not to laugh too loud.

LeeAnn I think I'll link to this post a bit later, we need more gratuitous trackbacks. If there was some really appropriate word, we could google bomb him. *BG* But it must be inventive - he appears to not have a well developed vocabulary - it should be a word he'll have to look up thus improving his mind.

Posted by: Teresa at February 5, 2004 02:14 PM

I love you, LeeAnn! Wanna go get ice cream?

Posted by: Susie at February 5, 2004 04:31 PM

See you at Coldstone, Susie! :)

Posted by: LeeAnn at February 5, 2004 04:38 PM

Oh, LeeAnn,
I so love you. I will screw up Google some more by pinging to your trackback 10 times tonight. Maybe Kuru5h1t will appreciate it.

Maybe we could google bomb him with Kuru5hit is an ID 10 T.

Posted by: Beth at February 5, 2004 06:44 PM

And you're a goat man yourself, right? We've all seen the pictures, don't deny it.

Ouch. There went my latte, straight out my nose.

Posted by: Venomous Kate at February 5, 2004 10:44 PM

And yay I say verily that Kuro5hit should thus be forced to crawl across miles of sharded glass to kiss the tip of the dick of yea dog that did urinate upon a hubcap of thy laundry truck which did ferry the undergarments of the smelliest leprosy candidate simply for the pleasure of reading deeply into yon cheese.

Fuck him.

Posted by: Jeff at February 6, 2004 03:43 AM

And yet... I love my iMac. Please don't take it away.

Posted by: Scooterdeb at February 6, 2004 07:07 AM

Kuru is after all the precurser to CJD, (mad cow disease) He has obviousely eaten the brains of too many of his relatives.

Posted by: Azygos at February 6, 2004 11:13 PM

Too much of that stuff and not enough Ikea. Bring on the Mighty Ikea!

Posted by: Da Goddess at February 7, 2004 01:44 AM

Go Us!

My favorite line from the whole rant. It is now playing over and over in my head.

Go Us! Go Us! Go Us!

(I kind of hear it in a twangy cheerleader voice with kind of a half southern/half valley girl accent.)

Posted by: King of Fools at February 9, 2004 06:27 PM

King of Fools- That is exactly the accent I have! Have we spoken before? Does your phone bill have a lot of $4.95 a minute charges?
It might be. :)

Posted by: LeeAnn at February 9, 2004 07:29 PM

You are good at image makeovers! You are the editorial equivalent of a Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

After I recovered from your fisking of Kuro5hin, I could only wonder how Slashdot posters would fare at your hands.

Little burnt sticky bits everywhere....

Posted by: David at February 12, 2004 11:18 PM