November 11, 2003

Sing Song

Hi, my name is LeeAnn, and I'm a TVholic.

No, I take that back. I mean, I am a TVholic, but to say it that way sounds like I regret it. Like I want a cure. No way, baby.
I loves da box.

Yes, I am aware of how that sounds but I'm not editing stuff today. I'm on day two of a caffeine-free diet and I might be ripping out jugulars before noon, so just ease back on the judgement joystick, okay, ace?

Where was I?

Oh yeah.
I watch TV most of my waking hours, even if it is the on-in-the-background,-glance-at-it-while-walking-by kind of watching. Most of the time in the evenings, it's got my full and undivided attention.
People have died getting in between me and "Survivor" or "Firefly". Mini-riots have broken out over interrupted broadcasting. Behind my TV is a pile of shoes and other small objects, mis-flung in rage at something that happened onscreen.

My idea of heaven is a big hotel room, a fluffy bed with piles of pillows, and a big screen with the remote never more than 6 inches away. And unlimited martinis, Coronas, and cheese popcorn.

Roughing it is a room without room service. Don't get me started on how much I hate being lectured by all you fresh air freaks. "Get outside. Enjoy nature! Commune with the wildlife."
I went outside once. A bird crapped on my head and I stepped in poop.
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" never makes me step in poop.

I have a song stuck in my head. It's from the latest show on my plate, "Two and a Half Men." Jon Cryer, who recovered from being forever labelled "Ducky" in "Pretty in Pink" and Charlie Sheen, who gave up a life of eternal playboy bachelorhood to settle down with plain old Denise Richards.
Excellent show, you should watch it sometime. But that's not why I'm here.

The theme song. The theme song is traditionally the thing that sets the whole tone for a show. It warns the audience as to what emotions will be toyed with, what heart-dalliances they'll be going through. It's a aural atmospherian.

The theme song to "Two and a Half Men" goes like this:
"Men men men men manly men men men.... MEN!"

I haven't stopped singing it since I first heard it.
The GM1 is ready to put my head on a spike.

Posted by LeeAnn at November 11, 2003 08:23 AM

Does a bear crap a remote control in the woods?

I think not.

So until that time, I set up my camp in the wilderness they call Radisson.

PS: I have heard if you rub Denise Richards' eyebrows together, you can start a campfire.

Posted by: Anna at November 11, 2003 08:36 AM

I highly recommend CSPAN. Oh before you go fooey hear me out - it's the ultimate reality show with mini dramas and spectacular extravaganzas that will leave you gasping for the breath to say "puhleeez". And on the upside, it's very addictive.

Posted by: Phil Dirt at November 11, 2003 09:09 AM

At least you're not telling us you "only watch PBS". That lie has got to be in the top ten of all lies. Maybe up there with the "check is in the mail".

Posted by: Rob at November 11, 2003 11:23 AM

Oh honey. You and I? We're like peas and carrots. Camping? Been there, didn't like it. My husband is, as I type this, hunting. It's 30 degrees out there. He can HAVE the outdoors, just gimme the couch.

And Rob? I've heard a better one. My pamphlet regarding that subject will be entitled: "Pinch Spitter - or - How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Swallow with a Smile."


Posted by: margi at November 11, 2003 06:02 PM

Two and A Half Men is one of my favorites this season. Now, if only we could off that insipid show that's on just before Everybody Loves Raymond....

Posted by: Da Goddess at November 12, 2003 01:38 AM