the cheese stands alone

Confidence

We were having a nice, quiet afternoon, the GM1 and I, watching the History Channel. I decided to watch and be productive, so I was pedicuring my toes.
Engrossed in watching the Royal Navy kiss some Spanish Armada ass, I reached up from my seat on the floor to my water bottle, uncapped it and slugged back a drink.
It wasn't my water bottle. It was the nail polish remover.

I leaped up, sputtering and gagging, and ran for the bathroom, where I rinsed and spit and rinsed and spit for over fifteen minutes. Finally, when I was reasonably sure I wasn't going to implode or keel over, and when most of the nastiest taste I've ever experienced was out of my mouth, I stormed back into the living room.

"Didn't you see what I just did?" I shrieked at the GM1, who was lounging calmly in his chair. "I drank the polish remover! I almost diiiiiiiiiiied!"

"I wasn't worried" he said. "Because I know for a fact

you don't swallow."

funeral arrangements are incomplete.