I'm intimidated. Yep, sorely intimidated and more than a little jealous. Sure, I know it's a bit late in the game for me to start feeling like this. Most people begin blogging because they're envious of all those successful bloggers who get quoted left, right and center and accumulate over 10,000 visitors a day. And here I am, been at it for 5 months now, which makes me a old warhorse by internet standards, and I'm just now getting ambitious.
So, being a big believer in polling, I polled a few of my friends.
(This is not as exciting as it sounds and does not require one to bend over, btw.)
"Write about sports!" they suggested. "Look at the blogworld recently. You can't throw a dead cat without someone stepping up to the plate with a corked bat and knocking it out of the park while they scream "GO YANKEES!" or "GO CONFEDERATES!" and spend the next seven entries beating up an old man and reviling the other team in great, excrutiating mindnumbinglyboring detail."
"No, no!" scoff my governmentally-minded friends. "Write about politics! Take a side! Any side! Pounce on the other side's every move like a cat on crack chasing a cocaine mouse! Fist Fisk every word they say. Talk smack about their momma and throw a few puppies on the barbie."
"Change the name of your blog" whisper my image-conscious friends, who only come over in the dead of night wearing disguises. "Add the word "pundit" to it. Be The Cheese Pundit or Lord High Master of Monkey Punditry. Get a picture of some hot chick holding a banana. In color. With a pop-up feature."
"Post more, post often, post about every tiny little thing that happens!" yammers my ADD crowd. "Did you get up wearing blue poodle jammies? POST IT! Did your dog piddle on the rug and then you stepped in it? POST IT! Did you throw the dog off the balcony? POST IT under an assumed name! Be the Insta-Everything. Do it! NOW NOW NOW!"
"Narrow your focus" hum my musical friends. "Write only about what really absorbs you, food or music or movies or gerbils. Then narrow that focus even further... write only about pudding or Warren Zevon lyrics or the Die Hard series or Richard Gere. Then narrow that even more- post only AS if you ARE a pudding or a werewolf of London or Bruce Willis's hairpiece or... well, not that narrow. "
I thought about all this. I sat and examined the virtues of each and every suggestion, while drinking a fifth of tequila and watching back to back episodes of The Real World for six hours.
And when the headache fades and the double vision stops, I think I will take a big step in the right direction to becoming a megaforce in the blog world-
I shall change my name to InstaPudding.
That sounds so much hotter a half bottle ago.
nah
blogging success comes from the following:
be funny as f***
be controversial as f***
be hot as f***
if that doesn't work just start posting naked pictures.
That is hysterical!
Partway through I was thinking "no, add Insta as a prefix, don't add Pundit to the end! Be InstaCheese!"
InstaPudding is funny too.
Plus then you can go grab InstaCheese on BlogSpot and use that as your backup site for times when Munuvia has a natural disaster rendering it temporarily inhabitable.
Posted by: Jay Solo at October 26, 2003 10:27 AMDo the exact opposite of me. That should be a surefire fondue for success.
Posted by: Velociman at October 26, 2003 12:37 PMI've been blogging nearly two years, so when you figure it all out, let me know!
[hums "We wish you a Merry Christmas"] (it was the pudding that did it) ("bring us some figgy pudding") ("we won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some")
Posted by: Ith at October 26, 2003 01:38 PMHey, I think that Lord High Master of Monkey Punditry kicks ass; I'd go with that.
Of course, the naked pictures suggestion has its merit as well... Heh.
Posted by: Paul Jané at October 26, 2003 01:52 PMJust keep being LeeAnn. Keep that Bobo around for shits and giggles. The combo will be fascinating.
Oh......and never listen to anyone but me.
Bwahahahahaha!
Okay. I'm done.
Posted by: Da Goddess at October 26, 2003 08:34 PMSo, how do you define success in blogging, oh cheesy one, by the number of hits you get from other folks?
That's not how I define success!
All of us who "blog" write for an audience. And it is good for us to clearly identify who our audience is.
If your audience is the mass of morons who write other blogs, or who float around mindlessly reading them, then perhaps a simple "hit count" could be considered a measure of success.
However, if you write for yourself, if you are creating a record you hope to look back on some day with pride, then I'd advise you to forget about simply attracting a crowd. Heck, any naked, foul-talking fool can do that.
You're doing a wonderful job just by being yourself, imho. What you regularly produce here is high quality, entertaining bloggage.
The only thing that you will gain by attracting a big crowd is increased bandwidth usage and higher hosting bills.
Posted by: Roscoe at October 26, 2003 08:40 PMFree cheddar shakes for everyone! And I'm hiring DaGoddess to be my advisor and Roscoe to be my PR guy.
Posted by: LeeAnn at October 27, 2003 06:10 AMInstacheese Monkeypunditboy!
Instacheese? Isn't that what Light & Dark and Broad at Bat would call "Kraft Dinner", eh?
Just keep doing what you're doing. I enjoy reading cuz you DON'T fit any particular category of blogger.
I wasn't polled, yet I hold the key to blog nirvana... contact me via focused thought energy beams and leave a message after the synaptic beep.
Posted by: Al Aulweighskinyet at October 27, 2003 08:38 AMSex sells. But I'd personally rather get two hits a day than sell out to a bunch of rabidly horny internet freaks.
Posted by: sugarmama at October 27, 2003 09:20 AMAre you writing for yourself or for your readers? Just write about what you want to. If you are honest and true to yourself then your readers will stick around. Just the opposite if you are fake or pretentious.
Wait..did somebody say nakkid pictures?
Hmmmm, I'm willing to wager that you are more successful at this blogging thing than you think. ;)
Posted by: Psycho Dad at October 27, 2003 01:58 PMSugarmama is right. Sex sells, but the obviousness of that tactic is best left to the low self-esteem crowd.
I do keep coming back to the idea of you holding a banana, however. And somehow I worked in thoughts of pudding. I see I'm going to have to put on the mask and wait by the phone again.
Really, don't go changin' to try to please us. We dig you just the way you are.
Posted by: Anna at October 27, 2003 04:02 PMJust be yourself, you're hilarious.
I write all kinds of things. Some of them sexual, some of them sad, some of them my boring daily life. My blog isn't there to entertain, it's there for me to do a brain dump. If people want to come along and see what my brain spits out every day, then that's ok with me.
And I love the name of your blog.
Posted by: Helen at October 28, 2003 05:24 AM