Our friend Steve, heretoafter to be known as The Steve Who Worships Steven Wright, thereby to differentiate him from all the other Steves out there, some of whom might not worship Steven Wright, or have even heard of Steven Wright. Some might even thing Gallagher is the Man. Others might follow the path of Carrottop.
That sort can just bugger right off.
What was I talking about?
Oh yeah... Steve the Steve Who Worships Steven Wright has found the secret to antigravity and shared it with me under the condition that I observe all security precautions due to the sensitive nature of this information. That means I have to post it, yes?
Thought so.
IF WHEN YOU DROP A BUTTERED PIECE OF BREAD, IT DROPS BUTTER SIDE DOWN AND A CAT ALWAYS LANDS ON ITS FEET. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU TOOK A PIECE OF BUTTERED BREAD, STRAPPED IT ON THE BACK OF A CAT (BUTTER SIDE UP) AND DROPPED IT OFF CENTERPOINT TOWER?Posted by LeeAnn at June 4, 2005 06:25 AMEven if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back.
If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.
That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.
Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.
The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash on top of them.
That reminds me of one of the fortunes from www.svtarot.com:
Drop a piece of toast, and it always falls butter-side down. It's a law of nature. But you're a clever monkey: you buttered both sides, didn't you? Tell me what happens when you drop it. Does it hang there in mid-air, or does it collapse and vanish into an abstract point as it approaches the linoleum?
My type of fortune telling.
I'm thinking that both the toast and the cat might well implode. Sort of a matter - anti-matter thing.
Posted by: Jim - PRS at June 4, 2005 07:55 PMI did not know that. Would it make any difference if the butter was covered with a nice mayhaw jelly or maybe fig preserves?
Posted by: Dash at June 6, 2005 07:47 PMa simple conundrum, the cat falls, rights it self and lands on its feet
How do I know. this is a old issue and i tried it with Muffin, my old cat. took a few days to get the butter out of her fur.
Not sure why it works, science is forever inventing theories to justify the result of their experiments.
That is why we laugh at them, they do a new experiement, the results come out different and they have to reinvent the theory again, cart before the horse, as it were.
That is why religion is so popular, you know the theory in advance of the test.
Not that I am religious in a tradition sense but I will state that in either case, it seems both sides make up shit as we go along
so much wisdom from a pound of Kraft butter, a Cat and a lazy afternoon in 1980
Posted by: mike at June 7, 2005 09:58 AM