the cheese stands alone

Reasons I Should Have My Camera Permanently Attached To My Hand

1. The Tarzan-gone-to-seed guy at the bus stop on 4th and E, wearing two t-shirts tied together as a loincloth, bathing with a third t-shirt and a small bottle of water.
2. The giant bottle of mystery substance at Sam's Club labeled "Creamy Liquid".
3. My new hair color. (Yep, I have hair ADD.)
4. The shameless skank-in-training rub-my-belly-NOW wiggling of the puppy outside the mall... yes, I rubbed, I rubbed.
5. The thongs I really really want at Victoria's Secret but valiantly held myself in check until next week when the cable bill isn't a priority.
6. They had big pink and orange flowers on them.
7. BIG pink and orange flowers.
8. Goddamit...
9. Stupid cable company, inhibiting my thong fetish.
10. I mean, yeah, "Deadwood" is part of a healthy cultural diet, but c'mon.
11. Did I mention how utterly cool the BIG pink and orange flowers were?
12. The flock of painted lady butterflies that just went orgy-flapping all around me passing the star-jasmine bushes on my way to the car at work.
13. The most perfect batch of tatertots ever. I will most likely not be duplicating this feat again, it's a once-in-a-lifetime event, these goldenly perfect tots.
14. I hate the cable company.
15. I bet I could make perfect tatertots every day if I were wearing those thongs.
16. Hell, I could be the next Pope if I had those thongs.
17. I heard the job is still up for grabs, you know.
18. And immaculate tatertottage is most likely a prerequisite.
19. As is a thong with BIG pink and orange flowers.
20. Amen.