the cheese stands alone

J'Accuse

I'm constantly fascinated with the phenomenon of someone trying to define or codify the ever-mutating blogworld. I'm sure that traffic laws and movie rating systems started off just as chaotic and ambiguous as blogging, and eventually became an established set of rules... but trying to corral several million individuals into a strict paddock with a piece of dental floss is like trying to construct a meaningful analogy before you've had adequate caffeine.
So when R Alex Whitlock tried to empty the sea with a teaspoon, I took notice.
And I tried to measure myself against his yardstick, which is not as smutty as I made it sound in my head with that "bow chicka bow bow" music.

Ten Things Bloggers Do Wrong: (and How The Cheesemistress Acquits Herself, In Italitcs No Less)
1. Only link to what we've already read and only say what we've already heard.
I do tend to link to news items or posts I find interesting, and I admit that rarely do I openly disagree or make an issue of a difference of opinion. TCSA is not a confrontational blog, unless you count my ongoing battle with the Forces Of Evil Manifested As My Workplace. But somewhere down the line, someone HAD to have written the original bit we're all meme-ing around, otherwise we'd still be blogging about that Plato guy and his shadow puppets. So yes, I am guilty of this one.
2. False modesty.
Guilty as well, but with mitigating circumstances. I have healthy enough visitor stats that I know I'm not just pissing in the ocean here. You darling people keep coming back to see if I've burned down the kitchen or gone postal at work, and I try not to disappoint. I'm no Dave Barry or Esther Wilberforce-Packard, but then again who is? Except Dave Barry and Esther Wilberforce-Packard themselves, I mean.
3. Clearing the archives.
Not guilty. I have done some judicious deleting here and there, if I had serious second thoughts about a post I suspected might come back and bite me on my cheesy ass in a manner I couldn't defend against. But all my wicked past, for the most part, lies bare and accessible.
4. Become overly concerning yourself with blogging "rules."
Not guilty. I've usually tried to fly in the face of any alleged rules, just because I'm me and that's the way I operate. I do try to be polite and acknowledge where I've found a tidbit or game, and I try to link to the source's main page as well as the tidbit, and I find I am liking the word "tidbit" a tidbit too much and must stop this answer.
5. Fail to follow basic punctuation rules.
Not guilty... although I will go mad with the .... thing every now and then, and I'll Capitalize Like There's No Tomorrow if the mood takes me. But I am very aware of the "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves" potential for misunderstandings.
6. Substitute slang for ideas.
Guilty guilty. But I don't feel it's an alienation or a distancing, but more a decoration. Blogs are the place where we meet. The way we phrase them is the decor. My constant use of the word "cheese" in various permutations is nothing more than the chipped vase on the corner table, or the ugly clock in the bathroom. But nobody needs wall to wall black velvet Elvis paintings, not even the l33t kiddies.
7. Fail to take advantage of 95% of the blogosphere.
Mathematically, I'm guilty. There are only so many hours in the day, and so very many blogs out there. If I want to visit my favorite blogs on a regular basis, some unknowns must fall by the wayside. Every now and then, I find a new blog and add it to the blogroll... most of the time so I'll remember to find it again. But if I find a blog that is so diametrically opposed to my personal beliefs or preferences that it gives me gas, I skip it. Diversity isn't worth the gut-ache.
8. Become a one-note charlie.
Not guilty, at least not in the way Mr. Whitlock means. I write shallow, funny, occasionally non-sequitorious posts about my life. I don't get into causes or deep feelings or dissecting my True Self. So in the sense of sticking to a genre, I am a one trick pony. But I rarely beat a dead horse.
Except in these ceaseless punny metaphors.
9. Decline to put up an "about the author" link.
Guilty, with extenuating circumstances. Or not. Maybe just with "becauses". I do have my picture here for the curious, and I used to have an "about me" sort of list. And there are times, particularly when I read something that goes against my emotional grain, that I'm tempted to whip up a little screed in the form of "here's what I believe and bugger you bastards who don't". But absolutism isn't a good fit for me, and trying to define myself is best left to mental health experts and rationalizations like the whole Answer Back thing this post is.
Plus I can't really make myself believe anyone gives a good crap about my bio.
Except those pesky, like I said, mental health experts.
10. Decline to participate in their own comments section.
I'll comment on a comment once in a while, but I don't email everyone that comments. Maybe I should, as I know when someone emails me in answer to a comment I've made on their blog, I am extremely flattered they took the time to do so. But comments are the dew on the rose, they enhance and add, and I don't want to try to one-up anyone who is kind enough to have a say.

Please go read Mr. Whitlock's entire post, and draw your own conclusions.
I did... a big long post-full of conclusions. And that's what the blogsphere is all about.
That, and Hello Kitty porn. Am I right?