December 22, 2004

"I'm Sure That I Could Be A Movie Star"

Eric of Straight White Guy has discovered that Billy Joel's "Piano Man" is rather a bloggery tune, and has proven so. If you adore clever linkiness and just hearing a song in your head for the rest of the day, go forth and admire.
I've always thought (although I claimed "House of Fun" by Madness as my blog theme song over at Snoozebutton Dreams) that my life was very adequately summed up by "Army" via Ben Folds Five (lyrics and commentary in the extended bit), except for the part about the mustache. If you kind of metaphorize and generalize and stuff, I mean.

Army- Ben Folds Five (my commentary in italics)

Well I thought about the army (yep, and the Navy and Air Force too)
Dad said, son youíre fucking high (actually, he laughed like a hyena)
And I thought, yeah thereís a first for everything
So I took my old manís advice (never thought about this before, but no one ever encouraged me to attend college... I was deemed too featherbrained)
Three sad semesters (six, and some more random than sad but I did learn how to make a bong out of a honey bear container)
It was only 15 grand spent in bed (give or take a grand)
I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead (sort of a band... a singing telegram and strip-o-gram company )

Grew a moustache and a mullet (sadly, the mullet part is true)
Got a job at Chick-fil-a (Burger King)
Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in May (went bankrupt when the gay owners snorted up the profits)
And in June reformed without me (became a flower shop)
And theyíd got a different name
I nuked another grandmaís apple pie (burritos, 5 for a dollar)
And hung my head in shame

Been thinking a lot today (only leads to trouble)
Been thinking a lot today

Oh, I think Iíll write a screenplay (the perfect standup routine)
Oh, I think Iíll take it to L.A. (well, I'm just a tad south)
Oh, I think Iíll get it done yesterday (how many yesterdays do I get?)

In this time of introspection (pretty much every time I run out of reading material in the bathroom)
On the eve of my election (election, bathroom deposits... same diff)
I say to my reflection
God please spare me more rejection (I really do talk to myself, and I say this often)
ícause my peers they criticize me (or giggle madly)
And my ex-wives all despise me (ex-husbands, ex-boyfriends, ex-sisters, ex-employers... the list accrues)
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels (truer words never sung, should be on my tombstone)

Iíve been thinking a lot today (this never leads to anything good)
Iíve been thinking a lot today (sometimes it even leads to evil, bwahahaha!)
Iíve been thinking a lot today (and sometimes it just makes me cry)
I thought about the army...

Posted by LeeAnn at December 22, 2004 07:47 AM

Yeah, but you're Munuviana's redneck, and that alone makes you special. The rest is just cheesy gravy.

Posted by: Ted at December 22, 2004 09:41 AM