A kind and thoughtful reader has emailed me with a suggestion on how to alleviate my boredom:
"Why don't you go outside and get a life and think about nature for a change, you stupid bitch?"- Mike Hunt
I'm not a big fan of the Great Outdoors, Mr. Hunt. I get all the communing with nature I want just by cleaning my toilet. I get my tan the old-fashioned way, by standing in front of the microwave while nuking my frozen, 4-for-a-dollar burrito with the door open. I explore this vast and glorious country of ours by slowing down while channel-flipping at the Travel Channel. I rejoice in the organic potential by only putting ONE artificial sweetner in my canned ice tea. I evoke the inner gardener by dusting the plastic palm tree out on the balcony.
I might not be your idea of Mother Nature's Favorite Stepchild, Mr. Hunt, but I'm on a first name basis with most of the presenters on QVC.
And in my world, that counts a lot.
I didn't pay much attention to the emailer's name until I read the post to my husband. When I got to "Mike Hunt", my husband said, "He signed it like that?!" Then it struck me what it sounded like I had said.
If that's his real name, it's no wonder he sends emails like that.
Posted by: marybeth at July 18, 2004 09:49 PMI've seen you outdoors. You don't melt and you don't turn into an ogress. But, I totally get the whole "stay inside and veg on tv thing." It can be very enjoyable...especially in 5,000º C heat.
Posted by: Da Goddess at July 18, 2004 10:18 PMI like the outdoors, it's a great place to visit.
Posted by: zenwanderer at July 18, 2004 10:23 PMI used to know a guy REALLY named Mike Hunt.
And the actual lame-ass still decided to go by Mike instead of Michael.
Why is it that the name always ends up fitting the personality soo soo well?
Posted by: Mo at July 19, 2004 01:30 AMWhat is this..."nature"...that you speak of? We are confused and frightened at this unfamiliar concept.
Hold us.
Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 04:58 AMAh nature...
summmer - sunburn and bug bites
winter - sliding on ice and frostbite
Why am I supposed to embrace something that continually bites?
Posted by: Teresa at July 19, 2004 06:52 AMMike Hunt indeed. A very common pen name for 14 year old boys who giggle at the word "poop". The real name is prolly something like Richard Less.
Posted by: Bob at July 19, 2004 10:16 AMWhat a tosser!
Posted by: Jeremy at July 19, 2004 12:15 PMReminds me of the best announcement I ever heard over the P.A. system when I was in high school.
"Whoever lost a watch in the 2nd floor west girls bathroom can go to Helen Hunt for it."
Posted by: triticale at July 23, 2004 03:44 PM