1. If you turn on the shower and step directly into it, it is guaranteed that:
a. You will have wet pajamas.
b. You find you really can hit high C, via the slowest water heater in creation.
2. Taking the coffee into the shower with you does save time... however....
3. Telling yourself the flung-off soap bubbles that land in it are just cappuchino froth is just a big fib, as you will soon discover.
4. Do not trim the timberline until you are fully awake, and can focus with both eyes, otherwise the pubic ranch will come to resemble a faux-Piccasso.
5. Did I just say "pubic ranch"? I did? How appalling.
6. "Appalling" cannot be spelled without two trips to the dictionary.
7. Singing in the shower is acceptable. Tapdancing in the shower is not, according to the people who live downstairs.
8. Subject A is left-handed. If Subject A, for a lark, tries to q-tip her ears with her right hand, how much brain damage will Subject A incur? Please show your work.
9. If you miss one little patch whilst shaving your legs, that little patch will stand out like a Ginsu knife salesman at a bar mitzvah bris. (correction courtesy of Jim the astute)
10. "Southern Peach Delight" might sound like a good fragrance for a body lotion, but it smells like canned butt.
11. These are not my panties.
12. I am the only female living here.
13. What the fuck?
14. Trying to comb your hair while you brush your teeth will only end in minty fresh follicles.
15. Yes, it does sound like a neat idea to have a gathering where everyone shows off movies of their tushes and call it the "Cans Film Festival", because the merchandise tie-ins are endless.
16. I should have said bottomless, huh?
17. The hair dryer is not a photon ray gun. Dammit.
18. Oh, wait... these ARE my panties.
19. I had them on backwards.
9. If you miss one little patch whilst shaving your legs, that little patch will stand out like a Ginsu knife salesman at a bar mitzvah.
That's still better than a Ginsu knife salesman at a bris.
Ba dum bum
Posted by: Jim at May 19, 2004 07:43 AMLeeAnn - Look, all I'm saying is that if you're going to put naked, soapy pictures of yourself in my head, it's only fair to post them so that everyone else can enjoy them, too.
Just sayin'... ;-)
Posted by: Harvey at May 19, 2004 08:24 AMThe faux-Picasso if you're lucky. If unlucky, a scene out of "Seven." Not the good kind with Brad Pitt, though.
Posted by: Michael at May 19, 2004 10:39 AMLOL, number thirteen is my favorite.
Posted by: annika at May 19, 2004 11:30 AMDoh! Whattup with my link over there? Very funny, girl.
Posted by: annika at May 19, 2004 11:32 AMLOL I had changed everyone for April Fools Day and apparently missed changing some back! Sorry bout that!
Posted by: LeeAnn aka Cheesemistress at May 19, 2004 12:36 PMCute list, but my suggestion would be to finish the coffee first - and maybe second (cup), because it sounds like the shower could be a lethal weapon when you're still that sleepy.
Posted by: Norman at May 19, 2004 06:46 PMYes to all and the cat in the tub whining for you to turn on the water really doesn't want to get wet and will use your legs to climb out.
It's not as funny as it seem when your on your hands and knees wiping up water off the hard wood floors.