the cheese stands alone

Ask Me Stuff, Will You? Why, I Oughta....

Robert, one of our new fresh fodder for the great and terrible hungry gods Munuvians, has received several questions from some PR firm who wishes to have bloggers fetch their coffee, spitshine their Jags, and do all the grunt work while they party with anorexic nymphomaniac models in the south of France answer a few questions. As I get way too much spam as it is, I am using Robert for my own evil ways as a mere pawn in this power struggle to get out the word about new ways to increase my erection sending my answers to him to forward on to Mr. James Fryer, the PR hack who is so very interested in us bloggers.
Here's what I sent:
1. How do you typically source material/stories for your blog/site?
I make it all up. Every single word. If it's a slow news day, I pretend I write for the New York Times and write some kind of fantastical nonsense piece about the .03821 percent increase in the price of beets being directly linked to the Bush administration's plans for complete world domination. And in making beets cost more, too, the bastards. In fact, everything I've ever written is a total and utter lie. Including that statement. Think about that.
HA! You're having a brain hemorrhage now, aren't you? Paradox rules!
Yes, I watch a lot of "Star Trek" reruns, why do you ask?

2. Have you any examples of a story that you have broken on your blog, being second sourced up other blogs or the mainstream media?
I was the very first to post about the dire consequences of the lack of beer in my fridge. Later on that day, other bloggers expressed a similar and equally distressing lack of beer. Actually, it wasn't equally distressing, because it was then about them and not my problem anymore, and as we all know here in the cult, it's all about me. Yes it is. It IS. Don't make me do that Vulcan mind meld thingy again.

3. Do you believe people use or will in the future use blogs as a news source over the traditional medium of newspapers, tv and radio? And have you any evidence to support this?
If anyone is still listening to the paper, reading TV or watching radio for their news needs, they should just stop it. Stop it right now.* Anyone who takes breaking news seriously in this country knows that all right and proper news information management comes from those of us with way too much time on our hands a burning itch in a rather embarassing spot desire to be the first to get the scoop and an illegal police scanner a constant raw news feed from our second cousin who used to go to aerobics with the sister of an intern at the local network radio station a reputable reporting source.
*and because it's silly. Did you actually read that sentence? No? Just skimming again to see if I mention "breasts" or "hot naked jungle sex with fairy floss vendors"? For shame, for shame.

4. What are your views of the commercial sector adopting blogs to communication with customers, and other target audiences?
I think it's hot, a terrific turn-on. The very thought of the commercial sector makes me want to rip off my clothes, rub low-calorie psuedo-dairy products on my body and run shrieking in ecstasy amongst the cartons of fairy floss pre-production materials and old sno-cone holders in the back storeroom at work, at least until my break is over. Can't be late coming back from break, you know. There are RULES, dude!