I am in an official Bad Mood today. Several things have made their way onto the official Bad Mood Inducing List, and are banned until such things can be dealt with in a reasonable, non-destructive-to-the-monitor,-keyboard,-and/or-GM1 manner.
Neighbors, however, are still in season, as always.
1. Politics. Any kind of politics. If I see the words "Kerry", "election", "WMD", or "gerrymander", I can't close that window fast enough. The most overbeaten dead horse in the bloggysphere.
Although I must admit Kerry has one use... he's the cure for constipation, because he aggravates the shit out of me. Ha! Good one, eh? You'd better be laughing, boy.
2. People who use the asterisk to tippy-toe around valid words. F*ck? Sh*t? C*nt? If you're going to have the emotion, please have the balls to express it properly. Bunch of euphemistic ch*ck*nsh*ts.
3. I know you're only 15. I know your mom works during the evening so you feel obligated among your soon-to-be-teenage-pregnancy-statistics wannabe-teenyskank friends to be party central. But if I have to listen to your Girls Gone Wild reenactment one more time, I'm going to reduce your demographic considerably with Mr. Baseball Bat.
Oops. Forgot you're all products of the public school system. Let me rephrase so you can understand: "Turn it down or die." There ya go, sparky.
4. Anyone who thinks they are qualified to tell other bloggers how to blog, what to blog about, or who is a great blogging example. Do I swim in your toilet? No? So don't pee in my pool.
5. Activists. A piece of cardboard on a stick with a rhyme doesn't make you Ghandi.
6. Socks. Particularly the socks that didn't have the good sense not to go on my feet while my toenail polish was wet and are now going to have to be removed with a hammer and chisel. Bad, bad irresponsible socks.
7. People who blame inanimate objects for their stupid mistakes.
8. People who do not send me flowers or expensive jewelry in an effort to coax me from my bad mood.
9. People who make lists like this.
Boogers.
Just say "boogers" a couple times. Nothing brings a smile to the face like boogers, I always say.
If that doesn't work try "ninja boogers".
Posted by: Jim at March 30, 2004 09:05 AMHeh heh, lists are good things when you don't feel like forming tidy paragraphs that make sense (why do they always have to make sense, anyway?). Admit it. The list seduces you. ;-)
Posted by: Tiffany at March 30, 2004 09:16 AMhttp://www.virtualpresents.com/open/30-1657isites
Posted by: Bob at March 30, 2004 09:18 AMWhoo boy do I ever relate. Especially to #s 1, 2, 4, and 5. That goes double for me.
Posted by: topdawg at March 30, 2004 01:07 PMYou're on a roll, Lee Ann; those are bloody good points (well, except for #6, which I can't quite relate to, but the rest is all gold, heh).
Posted by: Paul Jané at March 30, 2004 02:59 PMSo if I tell you that you should write more posts about K*rry and the W*D's you're gonna 'splode, right?...
*Shields face with arms* please don't hurt me...
Posted by: xade at March 30, 2004 06:09 PMMonkeymonkeymonkey. Common say it with me...
monkeymonkeymonkey.
Feel better?
Posted by: zenwanderer at March 30, 2004 10:48 PM#5 is great!!!
Had me rotflmao..
Think I'll maybe start going to those stupid rallies, with a sign, with THAT on it...
You go, Hon!!!
Hope ya feel better...
Posted by: Stevie at March 31, 2004 04:56 AMWould it help to know I was laughing by the time I got to, "You'd better be laughing boy"?
I'd add another to the list: 1A: I'm tired of seeing the words "gay marriage" in newspaper headlines. Forgot my personal views on the matter. I'm simply tired of unfurling my newspaper and being smacked in the puss by that phrase. So to say.
Posted by: Jeff at March 31, 2004 05:04 AMThe list was hysterical! I loved #3. "there ya go,sparky!* too funny!* thanks for the pick me up....wish that I could have helped you out of your mood the other day. Hope this day is better!
Posted by: Jenn at April 1, 2004 05:38 AM