January 22, 2004

Dear Fox Network:

I never ever thought this would happen. At least, I never thought it would happen to me.
I found a reality show I don't like.

I have watched at least one episode of every reality show out there.
"Survivor"? I would give up my grandmother's left nut to be on that show.
"Big Brother"? I planned my summer vacation so I wouldn't miss any episodes.
"Simple Life"? I never laughed so hard.
"American Idol"? That's engraved on my calendar in the blood of virgins. Or something emphatic like that.

So tonight, when I settled down to watch "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance", I figured I was right in my element. It seemed pretty formula... the odd couple thing, big payoff at the end, lots of silly stunts and embarassment in the middle.
I'd expected to cringe as the BFOF went through his routines of being as Big, Fat, and Obnoxious as possible, as per scenario. I expected to pity the delicate little blonde who was the pretend bride.
I did not expect to side with Mr. BFOF and dislike, nay, LOATHE little Miss Priss before the show was half over.
Lady, where did you go wrong? Let me tell you.

First off, if you keep making that bug-eyed, deer in the headlights look, your face is going to freeze that way.

Secondly, please remove that stick from your oh-so-very-proper ass. You are a volunteer on a reality show, the premise of which is to lie to your family and friends about your engagement and fiance. Do you really think repeating over and over how this guy appalls you because he does things that are "inappropriate" gives you the high road?

Thirdly, stop with the bloody PC bullshit of saying "inappropriate." If it's gross, call it gross. If it's nasty, call it nasty.
Let's go over that again: Burping like a foghorn = gross.
Calling the Pope "dude" = inappropriate.

And D, which takes the cue from point #2, cease and desist this judgemental high and mighty tone. You were shocked that he parties at age 29? That he meets girls in bars? That he eats meat?
I would dearly love to hear your squeals of anguish when you discover men have peepees and by the way, there is no Easter Bunny.

With this all in mind, I have had to suspend viewing of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance." I just can't watch a woman who is such a tight-ass that if she farts, dogs three counties away go deaf. You make Queen Victoria look like Paris Hilton.

Let me conclude, Fox Network, by saying if your aim was to sell more advertising space to the Rolaids and Preparation H people, you picked the right cast. But you're going to have to shoulder the burden without this girl.
I'll just be over here, patiently waiting for the new season of "Survivor".

This tribe has spoken.

Posted by LeeAnn at January 22, 2004 10:01 PM


Posted by: Rachel in Alaska at January 22, 2004 10:26 PM

Tell it, Sister! I thought the very. Same. Things.

Can you imagine her *real* wedding night?

"But....but....YOU PEE OUT OF THAT!!"

Useless woman. Bah!

Posted by: margi at January 22, 2004 10:33 PM

To give her a weeeee bit of credit, I think part of the premise is that she DIDN'T know he was going to be that BF and O, just B and F.
Well, I guess you can't really call it giving her credit, but it was in the fine print when she signed on, yo.

Posted by: Greg at January 22, 2004 11:31 PM

OMG! Did we go to high school together? Once I pry my password out of my brother's hands you are going on the blogroll. This is just too good...

That woman was just out there.

Posted by: John at January 23, 2004 03:39 AM

LeeAnn, for once I must disagree with you. I thought it was funny as all hell, and that's probably the first reality show I'll watch thru to the bitter end.

Posted by: Victor at January 23, 2004 06:38 AM

...a reality what? Never heard of them.

Posted by: Lee at January 23, 2004 07:00 AM

Well, this certainly answers the burning question - should I give up some of my precious time to watch television... Um .... No. All I have to do is come here and get the scoop from LeeAnn *G*

Posted by: Teresa at January 23, 2004 07:11 AM

Teresa- it's like that advertising slogan... "we watch it so you don't have to."

Victor- I won't cut you out of the will just yet....:)

Lee- we gotta break you of this "real life" thing and get you glued to the box like a normal person.

John- Your brother is Keeper Of The Password? Why does this intrigue me?

Greg- I do place some of the blame on Fox. If they can have metal detectors, surely they can have stick up the butt detectors. I guess since I'm just closer to the BFOF in character than the prissy schoolmarm, I got bent about it.
OMG... just realized she's a PRISSY SCHOOLMARM!
Okay, that just makes so much more sense!

Posted by: LeeAnn at January 23, 2004 07:20 AM

"...such a tight-ass that if she farts, dogs three counties away go deaf..."
Oh. My. God.
That is the funniest description of a tight-ass that I have ever encountered....I still can't breathe right.
If it's possible to die from laughing too hard, I think that'll happen to me during a visit here.

Posted by: Stevie at January 23, 2004 08:28 AM

I don't see much in the way of reality in 'reality shows'... I mean really to me a really real reality show would be watching LeeAnn watch TV... but I spose that's digression. I really just wanted to comment:

Heh. She said "peepee"

Posted by: bob at January 23, 2004 08:44 AM

Geez louise, I think I wet myself.

Posted by: Tiger at January 23, 2004 07:06 PM

Calling the Pope "dude" = inappropriate

Well that might help explain why she was fired from her job as a teacher at a Catholic HS.

Posted by: Randy at January 23, 2004 09:40 PM