January 21, 2004

First Bigfoot and Now This- Updated

Speaking of politics, which I usually don't because I am biting a hole in my tongue so as not to raise that whole "LeeAnn is a raving lunatic" subject amongst local law enforcement my loved ones again,.... after 15 years of marriage, I have just found out that the GM1 is a Democrap.
I know, and thank you, I have a list of divorce lawyers already.

How the subject came up I don't know. I think it was on the way while taking him to work and traffic and bad radio forced conversation from us before we were properly caffeinated. Tragic circumstances, to be sure.
Since I can't talk without waving my arms, we nearly ran over several unsuspecting commuters (I bet they were Democrats too, in which case they deserved it). In the course of the scream fest discussion, he saved his neck by explaining he wasn't really a Democrat, he was a registered Independent, and that he just was completely brainwashed to a mindless commie drone agreed with some of the Democratic platforms.
At this time, I chose to go into LeeAnn's Fantasy Definition Land and convince myself he means "as in 2x4s". It was the only thing that kept him alive. (Oh and the gate guard at the base was very close to the window, wearing a lovely sidearm, and watching me carefully since I was a bright purple and covered in coffee splatter [see "arm waving"]).
I sent the GM1 off to his day with strict instructions on how to save his tattered travesty of marital union forged under devious half-truths marriage: write me an email listing exactly what he believes (politically, because we already had the important belief discussion early on, and I forgave him for not acknowledging the existance of Nessie, Bigfoot, outer space aliens, and Anna Nicole Smith's humanity).
I am now waiting patiently (stop laughing, you) at the computer for the email that will save our wedded bliss, and possibly the GM1's testicle ownership as well.
Wish him luck.

Update: To the kind gentleman who emailed me quite concerned about the GM1's health and well-being: I can assure you the GM1 knows, as does anyone with two working brain cells, that this post was meant humorously and in no way could be taken as a threat to the GM1, the Democratic Party, or Anna Nicole Smith. Your kind offers to the GM1 to "come over and bust that bitch's ass" have been forwarded to him and given the due consideration they deserve.
Holy shit, people.

Posted by LeeAnn at January 21, 2004 09:08 AM

It's a sad way for hubby to comeout of the closet..er, political closet.

Posted by: zenwanderer at January 21, 2004 09:42 AM

It has always surprised me (and continues to surprise me) that you're a Republican. (not that there's anything wrong with that). Perhaps this is only because I know you personally. :P I may elaborate at extreme length via email.

Posted by: Bob at January 21, 2004 09:51 AM

You mean you didn't give hubby a 100-item oral questionnaire before marrying him?

"Religious beliefs?"
..."Um...agnostic." (check)

"Lactose inolerance?"
..."No." (check)

"Computer porn?"
..."Often." (big X)

"Political party affiliation?"
..."Whoever has the smallest toupee." (check)

Posted by: Tiffany at January 21, 2004 09:57 AM

To tell the truth, I am not a strict Republican. I tend to lean more in that direction, but there are some things they preach against (pro-choice, for example) that I am 110% for, and things they preach for (religious bullshit) that I am 110% against.
Perhaps the GM1 and I are actually quite alike in this, and I will have to give up my testicles as well.

Posted by: LeeAnn at January 21, 2004 10:04 AM

Perhaps he's a lower taxes and kick Kruschev out of Cuba unilaterially JFK Democrat...that would be forgivable....

Posted by: Susie at January 21, 2004 11:16 AM

Perhaps you are as Independent as GM1? You always struck me as an independent thinker. One of the things I admire about you actually. If you do decide to remove GM1's testicles, might I suggest you donate them to, oh I dunno.... (the political figure of your choice).

Posted by: Bob at January 21, 2004 11:25 AM

Ohhh. I hope the photo on my blog of President Bush wearing Barbie's unmentionables on his head doesn't offend you. ;)

Posted by: Amanda at January 21, 2004 11:29 AM

Oral questionaire.


Posted by: Jeff at January 21, 2004 01:45 PM

Is GM1 actually ALIVE?

Posted by: Lee at January 21, 2004 02:18 PM

Amanda- Nope. I like to think Barbie deserved to have her dainties swiped.

Jeff- I was taught it's not polite to talk with your mouth full.

Lee- Amazing, ain't it?

Bob- You know too much. :)

Posted by: LeeAnn at January 21, 2004 02:33 PM

My deepest condolences my dear.

Posted by: Serenity at January 21, 2004 02:55 PM

"post was meant humorously"

No - tell me I haven't been so deceived. I am devastated by this news - DEVASTATED I tell you!!! I was so sure your entire blog was meant in earnest... Does this mean you WON'T be moving to Peru to eat government cheese?

Posted by: Teresa at January 21, 2004 08:01 PM

I am destined to be a great disappointment to some, oh yes I am, I am. *hanging head in shame*

Posted by: LeeAnn at January 21, 2004 08:12 PM

Great site!
Wonderful, far-out humor.
You are an instant addition to my must-read list.

Posted by: David at January 22, 2004 02:16 AM

thats horrible.. you should have him neutered.

Posted by: pylorns at January 22, 2004 08:13 AM

Screw people who can't take a joke. Let's leave them all behind and go to Ikea.

Posted by: Da Goddess at January 22, 2004 09:37 AM