1. A bird has just committed suicide against my balcony doors.
2. It did not wake up the GM1, although it sounded like a car bomb going off.
3. I will have to Windex this door.
4. As soon as I quit gagging.
5. The carcass is lying a surprising distance from the door.
6. Obviously I did not understand the appropriate bounce factor in bird suicide.
7. It is lying on something that looks odd... oh, I see it now.
8. I had lost a sock betwixt door and laundry shed.
9. There it is.
10. I certainly don't want it now.
11. Also, the previous plans to lunch at KFC are now off.
12. Oh, look, some little friend birds have come to mourn.
13. Is THAT how birds mourn?
14. At least I won't have to fill the bird feeder now.
15. Gag retch urp.
16. Or clean up, apparently.
17. Efficient little buggers.
18. Hungry, too.
19. I am going to go wash out my eyes and go back to bed.
20. *THUMP*
21. Oh bloody hell.
LeeAnn, I love your writing - geeze, you make me laugh! Someday, maybe I'll get to San Diego, and we can meet face to face.
Posted by: Beth at January 17, 2004 10:28 AMYou never cease to amaze me with your knack to transform something completely mundane into something utterly hilarious... lol
Posted by: Paul Jané at January 17, 2004 11:11 AMThat's nothing. I used to work in one of those big glass office buildings and those things are like bird magnets. We were actually walking back from lunch one day and watched a bird fly right into the window next to us and plop down dead. I took a nifty picture of it with my digital camera. It was my desktop wallpaper moments later...
Posted by: Jason at January 17, 2004 11:17 AMHey! Dribbles and bits! That's a little too clsoe to my blog name.
Posted by: J. Fielek at January 17, 2004 01:06 PMIsn't near-imitation the sincerest form of near-flattery?
Posted by: LeeAnn at January 17, 2004 02:31 PMWho needs Atkins when we have LeeAnne's very graphic posts.
Thank you my dear, I'll be putting the taco salad back in the fridge now.
Posted by: Serenity at January 17, 2004 03:14 PMHmmm...Atkins slipped and fell on the sidewalk and died....a bird slammed into your doors and died...you were extremely contagious recently...I'm beginning to connect the dots, LeeAnn!
Posted by: Serenity at January 17, 2004 03:17 PMWhat Paul said.
What a laugh riot.
I once had a bird fly in through my kitchen window, fly the length of the kitchen, dining room and living room, and collide with the living room windows (which were shut).
It survived apparently unhurt, so I had to chase it around the house trying to get it to go out a window. Any window. Stupid bird!
Posted by: Pixy Misa at January 17, 2004 06:55 PM...We used to have a problem with Bats falling down our chimney into the living room...you could NOT catch those varmints...and the Wife wouldn't let me bop'em with a broom...so, we just opened the window...and...after about 10 minutes of swirling around the room at Mach 3, they'd realize the window was open and leave of their own accord...it was quite a show-stopping performance...those suckers have some flying skills, baby..
Posted by: Eric at January 18, 2004 06:41 AMhmmmm suddenly....I want KFC.
Posted by: Lee at January 18, 2004 06:52 AMYep, the bad thing about bats is that you can't trap them; the good thing is that never crash into anything.
A couple of weeks ago I took a stroll around the block to the neighborhood deli to get some milk or something. Lying on the ground - face up and wings spread - was a bird. What kind of bird? I have no idea. I was eaten out, bones nearly picked clean, bright read inards shining in the noonday sun. I very nearly hurled.
On the return trip I made it a point not to let it catch my eye again, but as I passed by the spot where I knew it lay, I gagged and nearly hurled just at the thought and memory of it.
Thankfully, someone with a stronger stomach (or a creature with a taste for bone dregs) got rid of it and the walk to the deli is gag-free once again.
Posted by: Tuning Spork at January 18, 2004 04:54 PMGood lord, woman. What's next? A dead salmon frozen in a waterfall? This list sounds like lyrics to "King of Pain."
Posted by: Jeff at January 18, 2004 08:16 PMI've been called the Queen of Pain before... but only in a good way.
Posted by: LeeAnn at January 18, 2004 08:57 PM*says nothing. . .makes only gasping noises through the laughter*
When I get my lung stuffed back into my chest, I'll be back. Kay?
I was a custodian for a few months at my college's physical plant and in the summer time there would often be a couple of bats hanging under the eaves of the building. One time my supervisor approached one with a can of wd-40, sprayed it, then squashed it under his big black boot. It was surreal.
Posted by: Jason at January 28, 2004 09:36 AM