the cheese stands alone

Thar's A New Meme In Town

I'm not really sure if it's new or just coming around again, but I feel the need to let questions direct my content today.
(delicately tugged away from the underside of Mamageek's table.)

What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?
Stephen. Unless you mean actually slept, in which case it was Mr. Gikky.
Mr. Gikky was a spider. Okay, not a real spider, but a piece of lint I carried around for two years without losing once, through three moves and innumerable redecoratings. My mom says when I did finally misplace him, I screamed like I was having a major organ removed with a plastic spork.

What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?
They're my superhero underwear, therefore invisible to the naked eye.

What is the song you want played at your funeral?
Despite all my flightiness and changeability, this is one thing that's remained constant since I was going through my morbid stage at age 6 and wrote down strict instructions for my funeral. (no roses, ice cream after, and puppies instead of a headstone).
I want "Waltzing Matilda" played on the bagpipes.

What would your last meal be before getting executed?
Tastewise, I'd probably want pizza. But if I were in a vengeful mood, I'd want sauerkraut, broccoli, chili, and beer.
Leave them more than a little something to remember me by.

Beatles or Stones?
Beatles need squishing, and stones need throwing (preferably near glass houses). I'd have to go with Nilsson.

If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be?
Dang, only one? And do I get to choose how they die? And where?
There are just too many things left open to negotiation in this. Have your people call my people.

The person whose problems you would never want to hear again?
I started to say my exes, and then I thought.... No, those are the exactly the folk you WANT to hear all about their pains, agonies, and troubles. In great, gleeful detail.
Since my best friend Tonya tells me pretty much everything, I'd want to never hear her troubles again, because it would mean she didn't have any.

What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex?
Go ahead and get the trampoline ready so you can all jump on me about how shallow I am, but I will not, cannot be attracted to a guy who is greatly overweight. A few pounds, yes. Some love handles, okay. Creates his own tides, no.

Do you secretly hate some of your friendsters but are too nice to reject them?
"Friendsters"? Wtf are "friendsters"? Are they a subset of "friends"?
And why am I caught in this "quotation marks" loop? Is there a "12 step" program for this? Will I have to go to "meetings"? And will the "friendsters" be there?
Because, you know, I secretly hate some of them.

If you could have any super power what would it be?
Instantaneous teleportation.
And invisible underwear, of course.

Favorite hangover cure?
Gingerale, with a lot of mustard on the side. Yes, I said mustard. I find teeny bites of it in between sips of gingerale keeps my head out of the toilet.
It does not help me find my invisible underwear, always a casuality of this behavior.

How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?
And exactly why do you ask? Got plans, do you?
Get yer own invisible undies.

Favorite Outkast lyric?
Must I keep saying wtf?

Hair color you most like someone you're dating to have?
I don't know, I guess whatever color corpses have, because the GM1 takes such a dim view of me dating.

If you had to be blind or deaf? Deaf. If I couldn't read or watch tv or movies, I'd probably be driven mad.
Yes, as if I weren't already in the back seat waiting for the chauffeur.

Do you have any psychiatric problems? Why? What have they been telling you? They're just jealous of my invisible superhero underwear.

Are you going to keep talking about your invisible underwear?
Yes, because it's the only schtick I've got so far. Get away from me.

Siblings that should go to rehab? That depends on the rehab. Is there a facility for people who continually need to prove the viability of their ovarian process? And do you want to buy a couple kids?

Least favorite month? July 6th to August 6th. The fun of Independence Day has worn off, and there's nothing on the horizon to get me the hell out of work look forward to until that far-off Labor Day.

First movie you can remember seeing as a kid? The Wizard of Oz. It was an annual Big Deal. My papaw had the only color television we'd ever seen, and every year when Wizard was on, we'd go to his house to watch it. As favorite grandchild, I got to watch it from his lap. We'd always have to go take a potty break during the flying monkeys' attack in the forest, since neither of us wanted to admit it was scary.
I hated the color green all through my childhood because of the Wicked Witch.

Favorite person in the whole world?
The GM1. No question.

When's the last time you went on a date?
Back when it was possible to drive along and see "dinosaur crossing" signs.

Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?
I love violent movies if there's good fighting, like "Kill Bill" or "The Rundown". Both had some great wire-fu battles. As to dirty movies, again we come to definition. If you mean cursing, I could care less. Someone saying "fuck" and "bitch" is fine and dandy. If you mean sex, I don't find it interesting, just boring. It gives me an opportunity to get more popcorn.
So the short answer is "yes".

Fall or spring? Fall, because the wicked little spawns go back to school and it's a lot quieter around my neighborhood.

Is this a long-ass questionaire or what?
I could have driven to Vegas and back by now, yes.

Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?
As if this thing weren't long enough.....

If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?
What if you're a little bent?

Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?
Whadda ya mean, when?

Who is the person you can count on most?
The GM1. Poor sod.

If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factors?
Someone extremely generous. I need another car.

What books have you pretended you've read?
The Lord of the Rings series. Actually, I did read them way back when, but I've forgotten most of it. Thank goodness for the movies.

What's a word you would use to describe your life?
Under-funded.

Favorite drinking game?
Truth or Dare.

What did you dream last night?
I dreamed if I could only find the exact Hotwheels car in this huge pile of toys, I could trade it for 350 threadcount sheets. Truth.

Favorite bands?
Garbage. Bloodhound Gang. Aerosmith. Cheap Trick. Nilsson. Anyone who plays the "1812 Overture" with true feeling and nuance.

Do you think anyone is still reading this?
Nope, not a chance. I quit reading thirteen questions back. This is my invisible underwear typing.

Do you find it difficult to type, being invisible and all?
Nah, I'm a touch-typist. In fact, I'm a touch-it-all, baby.

That's a bit personal, don't you think?
I'm underwear, whadda ya want from me?

Posted by LeeAnn at January 15, 2004 10:10 AM