Anna of Primal Purge is sad. Sad sad sad.
Why is Anna sad?
Because Amazon doesn't deliver orgasms.
"Why is it people only put Amazon and Paypal on their sites? I want Babeland and/or Good Vibrations. If someone finds out they're set up for wish lists, let me know. I want all my readers to give me an orgasm. And if they can't do it directly, Fed Ex is the next best thing. Because I positively have to have one overnight."
So I did some *ahem* digging.....
I searched all over Amazon for things vibratory....
I found "quiver inserts", which is just a tease of missed marketing and are not as much fun as they sound. I found a "vibration stopper", which is exactly what we don't want.
There is a Hitachi Magic Wand Massager, which has a certain "look" about it, but the cord is awfully short. One decent wrist rotation and that's out of the wall socket. Nothing worse than electronius interruptus.
For those hard to reach spots, they recommend a 10 foot concrete vibrator. Taking the "hard as a rock" metaphor quite literally, I imagine.
There were quite a lot of books on the subject, but most of them are hardback, so rolling them into the proper shape is out of the question.
In the end, so to speak, you can always rely on traditional remedies.
And a pool boy named Ramon.
Did I say that out loud?
(please do not even in the leasty little bit take this as me making sport of Anna. I worship the keyboard Anna types upon. She's just a damn inspiration jubilee, is what that girl is. Homage this be. )
Got the Wyco Concrete Vibrator about 3 years ago. I swear you'll see God when that thing busts through the hardpan.
Posted by: Anna at December 16, 2003 04:02 PMThe BIG Book of Masturbation ... ??? ... What about those of us who are a little more moderate in our proportions?
That said, I am strangely drawn to any book which reveals how porcupines and other animals pleasure themselves.
*Professional help is being sought*
Posted by: Rob at December 16, 2003 04:06 PMNot Ramon. He's too sweaty. Pedro is much better. Much.
Posted by: Da Goddess at December 16, 2003 06:10 PM"So I did some *ahem* digging....."
I just got your little pun there, hope it was unintentional! In any case, don't dig too hard--back in the olden days they would tell ya that doing so will cause blindness and senility. Ha!
Posted by: Tiffany at December 16, 2003 08:15 PMThat sounds like the best home delivery service in the world. Imagine though, the pressure that the FedEx guy would be under. He would glance at the plain brown wrapping of the box and, with a sad sigh, have to reach for the Viagra automatically...
Posted by: Helen at December 17, 2003 04:39 AM