the cheese stands alone

Built For Comfort, Not For Speed

In case you're wondering how Tuesday's aerobics adventure went, I've made a list:

1. There are places on the human body you weren't even aware of until you try to get out of bed the next day.
2. The less body fat an instructor has, the less soul, human compassion, pity, or likelihood of giving you another free bottle of water.
3. Little old Asian men giggle like schoolgirls when women in spandex bark orders at them.
4. Step, Forrest, step.
5. People who design bicycle seats have no nerves in their asses.
6. If you fall down, stay down. You can squeeze in a 10 second nap before they nag you to your feet.
7. "Low impact" means merely heart attack level as opposed to aneurysm.
8. Tying your shoes will buy you some rest, but you can only do it so many times before they duct-tape your laces.
9. Spandex and an associates' degree in physical fitness makes a person MEAN.
10. Eventually you will become so exhausted you will blatantly fix your wedgie in full view of the entire room and just DARE anyone to say something.

But hey, I got a free t-shirt.