December 12, 2003

Built For Comfort, Not For Speed

In case you're wondering how Tuesday's aerobics adventure went, I've made a list:

1. There are places on the human body you weren't even aware of until you try to get out of bed the next day.
2. The less body fat an instructor has, the less soul, human compassion, pity, or likelihood of giving you another free bottle of water.
3. Little old Asian men giggle like schoolgirls when women in spandex bark orders at them.
4. Step, Forrest, step.
5. People who design bicycle seats have no nerves in their asses.
6. If you fall down, stay down. You can squeeze in a 10 second nap before they nag you to your feet.
7. "Low impact" means merely heart attack level as opposed to aneurysm.
8. Tying your shoes will buy you some rest, but you can only do it so many times before they duct-tape your laces.
9. Spandex and an associates' degree in physical fitness makes a person MEAN.
10. Eventually you will become so exhausted you will blatantly fix your wedgie in full view of the entire room and just DARE anyone to say something.

But hey, I got a free t-shirt.

Posted by LeeAnn at December 12, 2003 05:35 PM

"Little old Asian men giggle like schoolgirls when women in spandex bark orders at them."

Hilarious! Sounds like it could be a haiku--too bad it's 5 syllables too long.

Posted by: Tiffany at December 12, 2003 05:41 PM

Asian men giggle
Schoolgirlish, when spandexed fems
Bark orders at them.

Hmmm, not quite... just goes to show you math ain't everything. :)

Posted by: LeeAnn at December 12, 2003 05:51 PM

Verry funny! I laughed most about all the avoidance tactics, I could barely write them down.

P.S. Would you please post a pitcher(s) of yerself in your spandex wedgemasters? It's ok if yer all hot and sweaty from all that wedgersize. I have Microsoft Paint. I think.

Posted by: Stewart Pendous at December 12, 2003 07:14 PM

I'm so glad you wrote about the bicycle seat designers. I agree completely!

Posted by: Beth at December 13, 2003 08:01 AM

And now you have written the perfect description of my avoidance of such activities. :) Thank you. I'll be printing this off and stapling it to my soon to be large ass.

Posted by: radtec at December 13, 2003 07:28 PM

By the you have Monique's CD with the same title as this post?

Posted by: radtec at December 13, 2003 07:37 PM

radtec- I am not very advanced musically, alas. I've never heard anything by Monique.

Posted by: LeeAnn at December 14, 2003 05:11 AM