December 17, 2003


I guess every couple, be it a romantic pairing or just friends, develop their own shorthand. Seeing as how this tends to creep into my blogging, I thought I'd share a little glimpse into Cheese Lingo.
Besides, I'm coming up caboose on the creative train.

"Corndogs and accordians": This came from some kind of mental burp and has become the phrase the GM1 and I use instead of "apples and oranges".
"What do you want to watch, "Chicago" or "Moulin Rouge"?
"I don't care, it's all corndogs and accordians to me."

"Smell the toast": On a "Will and Grace" rerun, Will asked Grace when she had a bizarre idea if she were having a stroke..."do you smell the toast?" Apparently you smell toast when you stroke out. Now, I have used the stroke-out connection for years, ever since I developed this obsessive idea that it was destined for me to have a stroke. Every headache meant the Big One was on its way.
Whenever I come up with some hairbrained idea or nonsequitor, the GM1 will ask me if I smell the toast.

"The clam before the storm": Stolen from one of my mom's training-wheel era emails. She was the titan of typos for a while. Used mainly in place of the normal version.... "the shrimp scampi before the storm".

"Window-licker": My best friend Tonya once told me about a friend of hers back in the old country (Tennessee) who drove the short bus. The kids on it tended to express themselves by licking the windows, throwing shoes, and smacking each other (and often themselves) in the crotch. Rather like kids on the non-short bus, actually. Tonya and I determined that anyone who acted in a manner contrary to our strict standards (like the pathetic waste of skin who cut us off at the light, for example) was a "window-licking, shoe-throwing, peepee-smacking FOOL!"

"How long does canned ravioli last?" A friend who was addicted to Art Bell, the aliens/conspiracy/moonbat radio show host, emailed me in the middle of the night with a babbling, stream-of-consciousness panic fit brought on by Bell. She was convinced the world was ending at any moment. The hysteria just jumped off the screen. At the end, in what seemed very rational and calm (clam?) she non-capital-letter PS'd "how long does canned ravioli last?"
It's now the watchword around Chez Cheese for any spontaneous outburst of unwarranted hysterical behavior.

"Battle of the Network Vegans": Another Tonya and LeeAnn creation, born of our observation of Tim and Wendy and their kid Paige. (You might remember Paige from this.) Tim and Wendy had a constant competition to be the Better Parent, while in reality they worked furiously to shove the custodianship of Paige over to the other as much as possible. We also called it "Two Vegetarians Fighting Over The Cow".

"Give it a shimmy": Another steal from "Will and Grace". Karen, who is quite honestly the closest thing I have to a role model, gives a shimmy to whatever or whoever she wants to reward or coax.
A shimmy is performed thusly: Cleavage exposed, the shimmier bends over to enhance it and shakes her shoulders at the object of reward/coaxing. It works especially well at Mardi Gras situations to get beads when a full flash just won't do.

"Pull an Osten": Based on "Survivor:Pearl Islands" contestant Osten Taylor, a bodybuilder in peak condition who quit because he felt his "temple" was in danger. Synonymous with "to pussy out".

Posted by LeeAnn at December 17, 2003 07:10 AM

I just snorted my damn pepsi when I read the window licker bit...

Posted by: pylorns at December 17, 2003 11:02 AM

I like "smell the toast" a lot. Expect me to shamelessly steal it from you.

As for "window lickers", well, you know you and I have a long, sordid, personal history with the short bus as metaphor...

Posted by: Velociman at December 17, 2003 04:29 PM

Babe, you seriously need to get to work on a book.

PS: Thanks for the Oyster Boy tip. It'll snug up next to Angus Oblong real nice now.

Posted by: Anna at December 17, 2003 04:29 PM

Since we don't particularly watch television, the wee wifey and I tend to make up our own language. Cats, for example, fall into such categories as "foozers" and "poojers". I would expect that dogs would fall into dogegories, but we only ever had one.

Posted by: triticale at December 17, 2003 10:15 PM