the cheese stands alone

Would It Still Be Friday Without The Five?

Time to answer stuff. Today's theme seems to be What Drives You?

1. What vehicle do you drive?
I have a four door green Saturn, not new and not pristine. I call him Bobo, which is short not for bobothemonkeyboylovescheese, but short for Buddha Rex. Buddha because he is a very quiet, calm, mundane car, and Rex because he's green like a T. Rex.
The dinosaur, not the band.
Did I mention I name most everything I have?

2. How long have you had it?
We've had Bobo for three and a half years now. He was actually an emergency purchase. In the midst of all the flurry and madness of preparing to move to Hawaii back in 2000, our then-car, Eric, irreparably broke. Eric had a full-blown collapse.... the tranny fell completely out at the same time that the block cracked. To top it off, it happened on the way back from the Renaissance Faire. The GM1 and I stood on the side of the highway, two hundred miles from home, dressed in Ren Faire outfits, with dead cell phone batteries and blisters in our shoes. Fortunately, when we finally located the emergency call box, the operator knew a tow company that could get us back down to San Diego.
It cost us over $350. I could have flown to Vegas for $350. And had free shrimp cocktail besides.
So after Eric was examined by several experts (the GM1's only automotively-knowledgeable friend and a Mexican guy from the gas station down the street) and pronounced dead, we went shopping.
Okay, so we didn't go shopping. We saw an ad, took two buses and a trolley ride, went to the dealership, bought Bobo used in the traditional "bend over and take it like a man at the end of his rope" ceremony.
Doesn't make me love Bobo any less.

3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle?
The ceiling. Apparently the previous owner got a little crazy with a can of soda. There were spots and stains all over the ceiling.
Yes, I said soda. I'm sticking to soda. It's the only way I can get in the car without a full-body condom.
Anyway, to cover these SODA spots that refuse to come off, I glued rhinestones over them. All over the ceiling. At first it was just going to be over the spots (soda spots, I said). Then I had grandiose plans to form them into the constellations. But I got distracted and eventually the ceiling became a free-form sparkliness. It's a work in progress.

4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle?
It has a big ding in the door, where the GM1, in his quest to put me in the looney bin, had an encounter with a HUGE pickup truck on the freeway to Honolulu. The truck, needless to say, escaped unscathed. Bobo did not, nor did the GM1 once he fessed up to me.
It's not that it's so hideously ugly that's annoying, it's that the scrape attracts those repair-remora, the ones who cruise around looking for cars with body problems and then pull up to you at the stop light....
"Hey, momma, you got bad damage to your vehicle! You wan I should fix it? I very good."
"Uh, no, it's okay."
"Oh no no, momma, you don wan be driving roun wit dat on your car, it could make bad accident."
"It's just the door. I think it's okay."
"Ooooh, momma, I think you wan me come your house and fix. I can come right now. I follow you, 'k?"
"Uh, no, don't do that. Don't need it fixed. Buh-bye."
"No, no problem, momma, I follow. I fix it up real fine. I can be right wit you all way home... momma, who you callin'? Momma, you don need be call no one. Uh... okay, we go. Geez, bitch."
I love my cell phone.

5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now?
This has always been my dream car: a white, convertible, old-style VW bug, painted plaid, with floral interior and a CD player.
Mmmmmm.
Excuse me, I need some private time.