the cheese stands alone

By Any Other Name

I got a phone call from my mom a few minutes ago. She needed movie advice.

Let me say, before we go any further, my mom is one of the few remaining Truly Innocents. She believes to this day that all her girls were virgins when we married. She has never uttered the "C" word, and I doubt she knows it exists. She blushes and peeks through her fingers on the passion-in-the-surf part of "From Here To Eternity". She thinks Britney Spears needs a good spanking. I love my mom.

When she called me today, she sounded confused. That's pretty par for the course when Mom goes to Blockbuster. Since her hearing went south, she's got two tiny little hearing aids that don't like Dolby or THX, so she doesn't go out to the theaters. She waits for films to come out on DVD and then catches up that way.

My mom is a busy lady. She's a professional seamstress, she hobbies with hummingbird watching and cat spoiling, and she is a pro at swap meet scavenging. So she gets a little behind in her movie choices.
That's why she rented "Boogie Nights."

"Hon?" she began. "I was watching this movie? "Boogie Nights", have you heard of it?"
"Good lord, Mom!" I said. "What did you rent THAT for?"
"Hon, all I want to know is, when is the dancing part?"
"What? What dancing part? How much have you watched? There isn't any dancing part!"
"Oh. I thought it was the next part of 'Saturday Night Fever'. I just love John Travolta. "
"Nope, it's got nothing to do with John Travolta, Mom."
"Hmmm. Okay. Oh, hon?"
"Yes, Mom?"
"You know that part at the end? Was that.... was it.... was that THING real?"
"No, Mom, sorry."
"Hmmm. I guess it was just one of them stunt weenies, huh?"

Stunt weenie. Oh yeah, I love my mom.

Posted by LeeAnn at August 26, 2003 05:33 PM